steady as she goes.

I apologize for the lack of posts lately. The last couple of weeks have been interesting, to say the least, and yet for some reason whenever I would sit down to try and document them I would find myself unable to come up with anything to say. I've had a lot happen and I'm quickly coming to terms with the idea that I only have a year of college left and a lot of important decisions to make in regards to my future...but more on that another day. This past weekend was about taking a break from all that growing up stuff and relaxing, which meant working out, movie marathoning, shopping, a sleepover with one of my best friends from high school and skyping with the family.


What more does anyone need in life other than a pint of good coffee ice cream?


Only some of the movies I've seen the last few days; I also watched Manhattan and Singles.


Working on the class that my friend Nadine and I are teaching in the fall. It's going to be really great, and I'm excited to have the opportunity to teach!


Summer means hats, stripes, and funny faces!


and, here's some Jack White (in The Raconteurs) for your time.

feeling the pull.

Growing up is hard. Moving away is hard. Trying to maintain relationships, with friends, family, and significant others, over 400 miles of distance, is ridiculously hard. There are days in which I question my decision to go to Berkeley; not in that it was difficult to choose to go there, but because I knew I'd make things harder on myself; debt-wise, life-wise. Though my family remains as amazing as ever, and my friends and I have never been closer, it doesn't make it any easier when I'm up there all alone. They're there--by phone, email, and Skype--but at the same time, sometimes I just need a hug, or someone to sit with me. I gave that up when I made the choice to go to Cal. This past week, ending a relationship that I truly thought would last a hell of a lot longer than eight months, I was reminded of what a precarious situation I had placed myself in by leaving, risking losing everything I'd ever loved. I'm aware of how melodramatic that sounds, but it's really difficult to maintain relationships and friendships with massive distance between you. I work everyday to make sure I don't lose them, putting in an extra effort I wouldn't have to make if I was actually present.

At the same time, by going to Berkeley and leaving my comfort zone, I've grown up more than I realized was possible. Going to UCLA would have been the easy choice for me, taking on less debt, living at home, staying in the same city as my best friends and not having to start over. I would get to go to my favorite hangouts and have new adventures with old friends...I would be content. But it wouldn't have pushed me to meet new people, to adapt to difficult situations, to learn to stand on my own two feet. In my heart, I know I made the best choice for me, even though it wasn't the easiest.

I try to live life without regrets, always telling people the truth and making sure they know I care. Putting myself out there usually ends with me getting hurt, but I sleep soundly at night knowing that I said what I was feeling. Also, life is too short to keep some things in, because what if something happens to the person you wanted to say something to? Just go for it, you have nothing to lose. In terms of the last eight months, I have no regrets about anything; it was the happiest I'd been in a really long time. When I decided to move to Berkeley, my whole world turned around. On the way there, I found someone that understood my quirks and thought all the better of me for it. He was someone who I just fit with, who just made sense. The only thing off was he just happened to be staying the very place I was leaving behind. Although it worked for awhile, it wasn't a fair situation for anyone and now it's over.

I chose Berkeley, and although it wasn't the easiest choice, I have to keep reminding myself that it was, and is, the best thing I could have done for myself.

if you want to sing out, sing out.

I don't know how to start off this blog eloquently, but basically, I've been doing a lot of thinking about the concept of higher education in American society.

Obviously, I'm an advocate of going to college--I'm currently going into massive debt to get my Bachelor's degree. However, recently I've been questioning how necessary getting a degree is; or rather, how necessary getting a degree should be. Does it prove something, and if it does, should that be a determining factor in someone's career? I'm not suggesting that an average Joe can just want to be a lawyer and become one; obviously, there has to be some sort of training for certain jobs. But for the countless number of us liberal arts majors (you know who you are, you English/History/Film/Anthropology/Mass Comm people!), is a degree really necessary? What would getting a Bachelor's in Russian History do in terms of working well with people in an office? Unless you're lucky enough to become a professional scholar on the Russian Revolution, chances are you're not going to be working on something related to your degree. I'm not trying to be mean here, I ask this considering that I almost majored in Russian History! Most of our degrees aren't teaching us practical things...they're teaching us theory, and they're teaching us how to think, but in the real world (and I say this based on my limited experience working out there), knowing Marx's theory of false consciousness doesn't mean a thing. I mean, it's an advantage I guess, but at the same time, if you can't unjam a copy machine what good does your fancy education do you?

I understand the value in going to a university, or at least, I do in the traditional sense. Those who are better educated are theoretically better citizens, and the better the citizens the better the democracy. Going to college used to be a rare event, reserved for the elite and the brilliant; as it becomes more accessible it also becomes more commonplace. Getting a degree used to mean you were special, that you had worked harder than anyone else and were getting prepared for a career. Nowadays, anyone and everyone can get a degree, and although the accessibility is wonderful, at the same time it diminishes the distinction between one person and the next. Once you have a degree, that's it...and you know what they say, even C's graduate. These days, one has to go the ~extra mile~ and go to graduate school, law school, or medical school in order to truly stand out among their peers. What, you mean my four years of undergraduate work don't matter anymore!? To be honest, the only reason many people go through undergrad is to get to the graduate level. I even had an advisor once tell me that my undergraduate major doesn't matter at all because I'm going to have to get further schooling anyways. Really? Way to be motivational!

In addition, people's motives for college have changed somewhat. Obviously, one goes to get a higher education to prepare them for a career. However, what happens if you want to go for a career that doesn't require a law degree, or a medical degree? What if you want to be a writer, and you've done writing workshops, and you just have a natural talent? Should you be required to go through the same educational system as someone pursuing a degree in engineering? I get that they're not the same thing, but it's just really frustrating to think that people feel obligated to get degrees, even though they can't afford it and they don't necessarily need them. Furthermore, a lot of technical colleges have lost support over the years, and so people no longer have as many 2-year options, so they are forced to get a 4-year degree.

Again, I'll restate the fact that I'm one of many, many people getting my degree. Personally, I view my education as an investment, and the experience itself of going to a world renowned university and moving out and all that jazz has been amazing. I'll defend my choice to go to school to the death...I love going to school and learning and as much as I complain about the work, I really do enjoy it. On the other hand, I'm acknowledging the fact that this system isn't made for everyone, and that it shouldn't be mandatory for those who, in all honesty, don't really need it. There are plenty of brilliant people I know who don't go to college, and they're a hell of a lot smarter than I am. Getting your degree and studying should be something you want, rather than something you need. I just wish society could be as tolerant about a ~lack of education, because a lack of a degree does NOT mean a lack of knowledge, skills, or talent!

waiting on the world to change.

First of all, I'm planning on renaming my blog, so suggestions are more than welcome :) In fact, they're kind of necessary, so shoot me an email!

In other news...this semester is intense. And by intense, I mean it's the second week of classes and I need to have three books read by next week, as well as two short stories, two court decisions, and three articles. I also need to finish a cover letter, go over my resume, write the appeal to get into my major, and finish applying to scholarships. What the hell!? Not cool. Regardless, tomorrow I'm going to spend the day in San Francisco with one of my best friends from high school...I know that school-wise it isn't the best choice, but it's what I need, mental health-wise. For the most part I've been doing really well but I can feel some of my old insecurities and bad habits sneaking up on me and it's not good. Hopefully tomorrow will provide enough distraction/amusement/adventure/happiness to diffuse all the weird stuff going on with me. Not that things are going badly--honestly, things have never been better--but I'm just having to face some things that I've been avoiding dealing with. In any case, things are bound to look up...they have to. I'm really homesick as well; I love Berkeley and all (and I am so, SO happy here, especially with my new Birthright friends who I have bonded with more than I would have ever expected), but I haven't seen my family since December and it's been a really intense month and I just want to go home. Twelve days and I will be back in my bed, in my city surrounded by all of the people I love.

not dark yet.

Life is good, too good, and sometimes we need to stop and appreciate what we have instead of complaining about what we don't. It's too short and unpredictable to always be looking ahead; revel in the moment!

Just something I've been thinking about a lot lately.