home sweet home.

I made a pizza with my mom! Sun-dried tomato pesto, olives, artichoke hearts, goat cheese, parmesan, and fresh basil! We also made the dough from scratch...one of the best pizzas I've ever made/eaten.

Break has been good so far, except that I've been sick the entire time. I think my body doesn't understand this whole "relaxation" concept. I've watched a ridiculous amount of movies--Inception, The Wizard of Oz, Beauty and the Beast, Black Swan, part of Zombieland and now Ponyo. Even though I haven't gone out all that much, it's nice to be home.

do you believe in magic?

I'm in Los Angeles for the week, taking care of my brother. It's been an odd week; my parents aren't home, so I'm the grown-up making sure everything gets taken care of. I've seen some friends but not very many, though that's my fault on account of bad planning. However, on Wednesday I went to Disneyland with Sarah, Serena, and Marie and it was one of the best trips to Disneyland I've ever had. Sixteen hours of fun, food, laughter, and ~magic~...it was a perfect day, and a reminder of how lucky I am to be surrounded by some of the best people I've ever met.

feeling the pull.

Growing up is hard. Moving away is hard. Trying to maintain relationships, with friends, family, and significant others, over 400 miles of distance, is ridiculously hard. There are days in which I question my decision to go to Berkeley; not in that it was difficult to choose to go there, but because I knew I'd make things harder on myself; debt-wise, life-wise. Though my family remains as amazing as ever, and my friends and I have never been closer, it doesn't make it any easier when I'm up there all alone. They're there--by phone, email, and Skype--but at the same time, sometimes I just need a hug, or someone to sit with me. I gave that up when I made the choice to go to Cal. This past week, ending a relationship that I truly thought would last a hell of a lot longer than eight months, I was reminded of what a precarious situation I had placed myself in by leaving, risking losing everything I'd ever loved. I'm aware of how melodramatic that sounds, but it's really difficult to maintain relationships and friendships with massive distance between you. I work everyday to make sure I don't lose them, putting in an extra effort I wouldn't have to make if I was actually present.

At the same time, by going to Berkeley and leaving my comfort zone, I've grown up more than I realized was possible. Going to UCLA would have been the easy choice for me, taking on less debt, living at home, staying in the same city as my best friends and not having to start over. I would get to go to my favorite hangouts and have new adventures with old friends...I would be content. But it wouldn't have pushed me to meet new people, to adapt to difficult situations, to learn to stand on my own two feet. In my heart, I know I made the best choice for me, even though it wasn't the easiest.

I try to live life without regrets, always telling people the truth and making sure they know I care. Putting myself out there usually ends with me getting hurt, but I sleep soundly at night knowing that I said what I was feeling. Also, life is too short to keep some things in, because what if something happens to the person you wanted to say something to? Just go for it, you have nothing to lose. In terms of the last eight months, I have no regrets about anything; it was the happiest I'd been in a really long time. When I decided to move to Berkeley, my whole world turned around. On the way there, I found someone that understood my quirks and thought all the better of me for it. He was someone who I just fit with, who just made sense. The only thing off was he just happened to be staying the very place I was leaving behind. Although it worked for awhile, it wasn't a fair situation for anyone and now it's over.

I chose Berkeley, and although it wasn't the easiest choice, I have to keep reminding myself that it was, and is, the best thing I could have done for myself.

surprise!

So, I survived last week, but just barely! Four papers in one week...crazy. Definitely learned some lessons about time management...less time researching, more time actually writing. And note to self, just because I *feel* like I know what I want to say, I don't necessarily! Ugh. But anyways, I turned in my last paper on Friday and then began to get ready...to GO HOME FOR THE WEEKEND! That's right...I lucky enough to be able to get tickets to fly home and surprise my Daddy for his birthday! Best idea ever. Usually my Friday's are laid back, but for some reason I was ridiculously busy...it was so hard to get through the day, haha.

I flew in Saturday at noon, and in summary, this weekend was awesome. Surprising my dad was definitely hilarious (he had NO idea!) and just being home was good for me...even though it feels weird to go back after living up here? I don't know, but it was weird going home...for vacation? An odd concept. Saturday I saw my parents and the boy, and Sunday I was with my family all morning, and then I saw Marie :) And, since it was the weekend before my birthday, I got spoiled by my wonderful parents! My mom definitely reads this blog (hi momma!) and got me some AMAZING boots (that weren't $400 haha) and the perfect white shirt, as well as a bunch of other stuff. I'll take pictures soon to post, but trust me, I am the luckiest girl in the world. :) I was able to see some friends as well, so it was great. My only complaint (and honestly, it's my own fault) was that I didn't really have a chance to just sleep...but whatever, sleep is overrated! Though I had the worst caffeine crash of my life, it was awful. Awful...oh god. Even just thinking about it makes me feel sick. But other than that, my weekend was amazing and I'm ecstatic about my life right now.

Well, except for the fact that tomorrow is Tuesday, and Tuesdays are ridiculously long...but whatever, I'm happy.

xo

80 days until I fly home to Los Angeles for Thanksgiving!

It's funny how I already refer to my apartment as "home," and how I cannot imagine living anywhere else (or with anyone else, hmm), but at the same time, there are so many important people in my life who aren't here, and as they say, home is where the heart is, so as much as I dread leaving Cal for any amount of time, I cannot wait to fly back. You see where this gets complicated? It is. Sort of.