under the blacklight.

Back in Berkeley, and back to class tomorrow! I'm currently in my pajamas in my apartment, watching (500) Days of Summer and avoiding studying. It's definitely a movie that I was worried about watching, but it's actually making me feel better, even though it makes me miss LA. I actually did get some work done today, but honestly, I'm just trying to gather all my energy and get ready to kick ass for the next five weeks of class! It's ridiculous, the year is almost over...I have five weeks of class, dead week, finals and then SUMMER! Summer is going to be busy but still, Berkeley is so much nicer when you don't have four classes worth of work to worry about.

I went out to dinner with one of my future roommates today and I am SO EXCITED! Even though I get my own room (and bathroom!), I still share a common area and a kitchen with two girls, and I'm really looking forward to living with them. I believe I start my RA job June 1...crazy!

Big news, readers! I signed up to take the LSAT in June...what the hell!? I feel like I just transferred, and now I'm applying to schools all over again. Ridiculous. In any case, it's kind of intense because I know people who take a YEAR off of school to study, and I'm taking a month long intensive class and then taking the exam. If anything, I can retake it in October...and if anything, I can always go to film school. In any case, I have options, and although I'm worried about not getting into a law school I want to go to, I know I have options and I know I'll be okay, and that's a relief.

Listening to Rilo Kiley's Under the Blacklight album on repeat lately, it's really comforting. Here's Jenny Lewis (lead singer of Rilo Kiley) performing an acoustic cover of "Silver Lining," enjoy.



And the grass it was a ticking
And the sun was on the rise
I never felt so wicked
As when I willed our love to die

And I was your silver lining
As the story goes
I was your silver lining
But now I'm gold

♥

feeling the pull.

Growing up is hard. Moving away is hard. Trying to maintain relationships, with friends, family, and significant others, over 400 miles of distance, is ridiculously hard. There are days in which I question my decision to go to Berkeley; not in that it was difficult to choose to go there, but because I knew I'd make things harder on myself; debt-wise, life-wise. Though my family remains as amazing as ever, and my friends and I have never been closer, it doesn't make it any easier when I'm up there all alone. They're there--by phone, email, and Skype--but at the same time, sometimes I just need a hug, or someone to sit with me. I gave that up when I made the choice to go to Cal. This past week, ending a relationship that I truly thought would last a hell of a lot longer than eight months, I was reminded of what a precarious situation I had placed myself in by leaving, risking losing everything I'd ever loved. I'm aware of how melodramatic that sounds, but it's really difficult to maintain relationships and friendships with massive distance between you. I work everyday to make sure I don't lose them, putting in an extra effort I wouldn't have to make if I was actually present.

At the same time, by going to Berkeley and leaving my comfort zone, I've grown up more than I realized was possible. Going to UCLA would have been the easy choice for me, taking on less debt, living at home, staying in the same city as my best friends and not having to start over. I would get to go to my favorite hangouts and have new adventures with old friends...I would be content. But it wouldn't have pushed me to meet new people, to adapt to difficult situations, to learn to stand on my own two feet. In my heart, I know I made the best choice for me, even though it wasn't the easiest.

I try to live life without regrets, always telling people the truth and making sure they know I care. Putting myself out there usually ends with me getting hurt, but I sleep soundly at night knowing that I said what I was feeling. Also, life is too short to keep some things in, because what if something happens to the person you wanted to say something to? Just go for it, you have nothing to lose. In terms of the last eight months, I have no regrets about anything; it was the happiest I'd been in a really long time. When I decided to move to Berkeley, my whole world turned around. On the way there, I found someone that understood my quirks and thought all the better of me for it. He was someone who I just fit with, who just made sense. The only thing off was he just happened to be staying the very place I was leaving behind. Although it worked for awhile, it wasn't a fair situation for anyone and now it's over.

I chose Berkeley, and although it wasn't the easiest choice, I have to keep reminding myself that it was, and is, the best thing I could have done for myself.

talking in code.

Today was the day that students all over the state of California protested the budget cuts that are affecting us all. I would have participated, except that I had class, which uh, I kind of failed to wake up for. Yeah. I mean, it was bound to happen eventually, right? In any case, I slept through both the protest and class, oh well. I still was up in time to go to lunch with my friend Morgan, though! And boy, was I glad I didn't miss that.



This sign was hung over Sather Gate.





Pretty flowers in Memorial Glade.

***

So, we went to Gregoire for lunch and Masse's Pastries for dessert. Are you ready for this?



Morgan got the grilled chicken patty with sautéed chanterelles & gorgonzola dolce in pantofolina.



We got an order of crispy potato puffs to share.



And I got the 3 cheese potato soup.



Morgan was content.



Dessert was dynamite! Ha. But really...it was amazing. It was some sort of pastry with a passionfruit filling...I don't actually know what was in it, but I know that it was delicious and I loved it.





IT WAS SO GOOD GUYS.



I also got some cookies to go...a green tea macaroon, a chocolate macaroon, a lemon shortbread cookie and a cappuccino chip cookie.


Mmmmm.



***

So we were full and with time, so what did we do? Walk all the way up to the Berkeley Rose Garden, getting lost/finding adventure on the way. I live on Southside, so I never take the time to explore North Berkeley, but I'm so glad that I've been venturing out there a bit more. The houses are gorgeous, and as cheesy as it sounds, walking around them made me feel as though I was in a fairytale land. It also reminded me of back home, because Marie and I would often drive through the Burbank/Glendale hills and look at the houses up there.







Lots of pretty things on the way.



We arrive!



The view at the top was breathtaking.



I cannot WAIT to go when the roses are in full bloom, the place is gorgeous without them so I can't imagine how it'll be when it's filled to the brim with flowers. It's also really peaceful there.







I thought this memorial plaque was beautiful.



I love overcast Berkeley days!



I ran into my nemisis...he ran away. I win...AGAIN.



As if I didn't feel short already?



Super overcast, gorgeous.



There were police all over campus because of the protest, just making sure that everything stayed under control.



I got home and treated myself to an AMAZING macaroon.

***

I got back and cleaned my room, and now I'm about to start working on my Atomic Age midterm. Tomorrow is Friday and I actually have plans other than studying this weekend, so I need to try and be productive today! Today was a really good day (despite missing class, oops) and again I am reminded to stop and look at how amazing everything around me is. Taking some time to explore, eat, and be with a good friend is a nice break from studying all the time, and it was exactly what I needed this week.

amazing.