all the small things.

I was all set to write a huge post yesterday looking back, but of course it was the one day this week that I wasn't home at ALL. It was one of the best days I've had at Berkeley--class, a waterfight on Memorial Glade with CalTV people, talking to a professor about a paper I'm excited to write (on Harold and Maude!), Cheeseboard, gelato, and the movies! I was exhausted (I was out from 8am-10pm) but it was so worth it.

This morning, I woke up and had an unexpected email in my inbox.

***

LOVE! from self :D

Dear FutureMe,

april 23, 2009. the night before i find out about ucla, the night before my life changes. a week before i find out about berkeley, my dream school.

right now, it's 5:11 on a thursday afternoon. i locked my keys in my car today, and my friend (preny, from scholars, remember her?) had to drive me home to get my spare and then take me back to school. i have a russian history and a spanish midterm tomorrow, and i'm freaking out. and ucla starts to announce tomorrow...and berkeley next week... god, i really hope i end up going to berkeley, it's all i've ever wanted.

a year from now, i don't know where i'll be...but hopefully happy and satisfied with life. wherever i end up...remember that i'm good and smart and kind and there's so much more to life than school.

i'm single right now, perhaps i won't be a year from now. that's weird to think about, but who knows?

remember,
things happen for a reason, even if it takes time to figure it out. i never wanted to go to gcc but i did and it was the best decision of my life.

love yourself!

love,
yourself ;)

***

There's this website, called FutureMe.org, where you can write an email to yourself and have it sent to your inbox a year or more from now. I had totally forgotten that I had ever even heard of this site, until I got the email this morning.

It's funny to read. I remember how nervous I was, how I couldn't eat or sleep or study. I started my blog! And the first entry was about how nervous I was about waiting for UCLA to announce their results. I got into UCLA, and was ecstatic; finally, things seemed to be going my way. The week waiting for Berkeley to announce was the longest, most excruciating week of my life, especially because I knew the day and the time they were going to post. That day, I was a mess. I remember I went to the doctor's that day, and that was the only thing that really distracted me. I remember coming home, grabbing my laptop, and going to the living room. "Mom," I said, "it's time. And I really don't want to look." My mother reminded me that I had to check, and no matter if I had gotten into Cal or not, I had made her the proudest mother in the world. There was the frantic turning on of the computer, fumbling over the keyboard as I typed in the all-too familiar website with the information that would change my life. I remember reading the word "Congratulations" and not being able to breathe and starting to cry, despite myself. I had gotten into my dream school, I had done it, and every hardship that I went through to get there had been validated in an instant.

It's been a year, and I can definitely say that I'm happier than I've ever been, as well as satisfied with my life. It's a year later, and I just signed up for an LSAT class and I'm getting ready for life post-college. It's so weird to think that it's only been a year since coming to Berkeley, it honestly feels like a lifetime. I still think I'm a good person (though let's be honest, I'm biased), and I'm pretty smart, and yes, there IS so much more to life than school! Something I have to remind myself frequently, but it's an undeniable truth.

As far as being single, yeah, still am. But within this past year I was in my first serious relationship, and I fell head over heels. We were together for a large part of that year, but it's over now. That's still weird to think about, but I grew up so much and am a better person for everything I went through. Funny how I would have never predicted it, though...funny how life works sometimes.

Things really do happen for a reason, that's something I've always believed. Everything comes together and falls into place and it's that thought that gets me through the hard days and sleepless nights. Everything will be okay in the end, and I'm a better person for not always having it easy (though again, I've got to say I've got some of the most amazing things going on in my life and as "stressful" as my life is, I'm really lucky to be in school studying something I love). I've gone through a lot, but that's the point--I've gotten through it, and I'm okay.

Love yourself--trust me, I'm trying. It's a lifelong process, but I'm learning.

I'd definitely suggest sending yourself an email, see how much things change for you in a year. It's a good feeling to look back, and to see how much you've grown. It put a smile on my face and it's going to make enjoying this lovely day in the northern California sunshine that much better.

Happy birthday, blog! And congratulations on a good year, self, here's to many, many more. Cheers!

ch-ch-ch-ch-changes.

In the fall of 2009 I'll be attending the University of California, Berkeley. I can't even begin to describe how absolutely thrilled I am to have this opportunity, and I can't wait to move up there and start afresh. I've worked extremely hard to get to this point, and although it wasn't an easy decision, it was the best one I could make.

These last few weeks have been tumultuous, to say the least, but I only have a week of class and finals left so there's no point in worrying about people and things that I can't change. It's been an interesting two years, to say the least, and even though I'm not leaving community college with many friends (most lost due to politics, sadly), at least I'll have the memories. I've learned more about myself than I ever could have imagined--cliché, I'm sure, but true. It's been a tough road, but it's nowhere near over--I'm just starting on a new path now. Hopefully, everything I've learned the past two years will be put to good use in the coming years.

Anyways. This blog will serve to show my adventures in transferring to anyone who's interested--from moving to roommates to the cold (after living in LA my entire life, the constant bay breeze will be an interesting experience) to new classes--this'll document it all. Due to the economy and the rising cost of higher education, I feel as though many more kids are going to have to go the route I did, and go to community college first and then transferring, and maybe this'll help answer any questions they might have. This blog is for my friends, my family, and anyone else who cares: read my adventures, learn from my mistakes, and enjoy the ride.

I just bought my plane tickets for move-in day...I'm so nervous! But more than anything, I'm excited...bring it on!

xo
Andrea

and so it begins...

Yesterday afternoon, I was notified that I was accepted at the University of California, Los Angeles.

The anxiety had really gotten to me--I had felt sick all morning, because the stress between UCLA releasing notifications (which weren't actually released until late afternoon) and my two midterms was too much.

Somehow, through some miracles, yesterday ended up being amazing. My Russian history midterm was moved to Monday, I'm sure that I aced my Spanish midterm, I was accepted to UCLA (!), and then went out to a wonderful dinner with my family.

I honestly could not be happier. Being accepted somewhere out of high school is amazing, yes, but it's also a game of luck. I know plenty of ridiculously smart and qualified people that didn't get into where they wanted to go (myself included, ha). Transferring...it gives me a true sense of accomplishment; I know that I worked hard and truly earned my acceptance. There are still no guarantees, of course, but it's a much sturdier ground to be standing on while waiting for these decisions to be made. And I'm not saying that people who got somewhere out of high school didn't earn it, I am SURE that they did, but to be rejected and still work another two years and attempt once again is a trying experience that not all are able to do.

I know that there's a lot of people who thought it was "beneath me" to go to a community college for two years, and at first, I had that same mentality. I was an Honors/AP student all throughout high school, head editor of the yearbook, co-director of the school's literary magazine--and I was going to a community college? No way! My best friend was going to USC, I had friends that were going everywhere from Berkeley to UCLA to Princeton...and I was going to a community college? It just seemed a bit out of the pattern, and it was definitely not where I envisioned myself.

However, as the weather began to cool down and the leaves began to change colors that fall, things had slowly started to fall into place. I was accepted into the Scholars Program, which I can most definitely say changed my life. I met other people who were going through exactly what I was going through, who knew what it felt like to be rejected, who knew what it felt like to be stuck when everyone else seemed to be going places. One of my better friends had been salutatorian of her graduating class and her unlikely rejection to UCLA broke her heart*. All of us came with these sorts of stories and burdens and it really helped us bond a close friendship. To have people going through the exact things that I was going through at the same time was a blessing.

At the end of the day, to a community college ended up being the best thing I've ever done. I not only saved TONS of money, but I made lifelong friends, matured, got my license, got an incredible education, figured out what I want to do with my life, and really began to get a sense of who I am/who I want to become.

I'm still waiting to hear back from Berkeley, and although it would mean the world to me if I got accepted...I've got options, and a future, and I am so, so excited to experience it.

*She just found out she got accepted to UCLA too! :D

anxiety vs excitement

You know that feeling when you're trying to fall asleep and you know something exciting is going to happen the next day, like a trip to Disneyland or your birthday? You're trying so hard to fall asleep, because you so desperately want it to be the next day but your mind is filled with all of the exciting promise that tomorrow holds and you can't sleep. As a child, this is one of the best feelings in the world, because anything and everything is possible.

It's definitely what I'm experiencing right now, as tomorrow UCLA will start to send out admissions notifications. However, I wouldn't say that it's one of the best feelings in the world anymore. I'm a transfer student, so I get the pleasure of not only waiting two years to transfer, but a whole extra month* of waiting to find out where I've been accepted. UCLA isn't my top choice, that would be Berkeley, but it's still one of my top options and something I really want. I've worked ridiculously hard over these two years, and to see my achievements recognized would be wonderful.

The thing is, as you grow up you don't just think of all the exciting things that are going to happen, but all of the bad things that can happen as well. You learn that "anything and everything" isn't always necessarily a good thing.

For example, take Disneyland. As exciting as the idea of a day of fun, friends, Space Mountain, Mickey Mouse, and churros is, I can't help but worry about the traffic, the crowds, and the weather. As a kid, you're oblivious to all of those things, but as you grow, you start to realize they've been there all along. You start to realize if you're one of those people who gets excited or anxious, if the glass is half-full or half-empty.

I realize that admissions are a different story, and something with more at stake than a trip to see Mickey, yet the feeling remains the same. UCLA can say yes, or they can say no, and I'm going to have to deal with the reality of either situation when it arises. I can't help but be excited on the one hand--I've been waiting since I submitted my application at the end of November to find out the results. On the other hand, I'm totally anxious and scared to even think about checking because once I know the results, I'm going to have to deal with them.

UCLA starts to update tomorrow, and I should know by Monday. By April 30, I'll know about Berkeley and UCSD as well. I don't hear back from USC until June 1, so I'm not even going to worry about that. Worst come to worst, I've already been accepted to UC Irvine, UC Davis, and Cal State Northridge, and I'll figure it out from there. In the meantime, I'm going to focus on my classes right now--I have TWO midterms tomorrow, which are currently distracting me from thinking about UCLA and Cal. I guess studying the demise of the Romanov dynasty does that for me. After I finish with the Romanovs and the Bolsheviks I'll study Spanish and then finally go to bed, hoping for that childhood excitement to come back.




*Freshman applicants find out end of March, transfer applicants find out end of April.