I was all set to write a huge post yesterday looking back, but of course it was the one day this week that I wasn't home at ALL. It was one of the best days I've had at Berkeley--class, a waterfight on Memorial Glade with CalTV people, talking to a professor about a paper I'm excited to write (on Harold and Maude!), Cheeseboard, gelato, and the movies! I was exhausted (I was out from 8am-10pm) but it was so worth it.
This morning, I woke up and had an unexpected email in my inbox.
***
LOVE! from self :D
Dear FutureMe,
april 23, 2009. the night before i find out about ucla, the night before my life changes. a week before i find out about berkeley, my dream school.
right now, it's 5:11 on a thursday afternoon. i locked my keys in my car today, and my friend (preny, from scholars, remember her?) had to drive me home to get my spare and then take me back to school. i have a russian history and a spanish midterm tomorrow, and i'm freaking out. and ucla starts to announce tomorrow...and berkeley next week... god, i really hope i end up going to berkeley, it's all i've ever wanted.
a year from now, i don't know where i'll be...but hopefully happy and satisfied with life. wherever i end up...remember that i'm good and smart and kind and there's so much more to life than school.
i'm single right now, perhaps i won't be a year from now. that's weird to think about, but who knows?
remember,
things happen for a reason, even if it takes time to figure it out. i never wanted to go to gcc but i did and it was the best decision of my life.
love yourself!
love,
yourself ;)
***
There's this website, called FutureMe.org, where you can write an email to yourself and have it sent to your inbox a year or more from now. I had totally forgotten that I had ever even heard of this site, until I got the email this morning.
It's funny to read. I remember how nervous I was, how I couldn't eat or sleep or study. I started my blog! And the first entry was about how nervous I was about waiting for UCLA to announce their results. I got into UCLA, and was ecstatic; finally, things seemed to be going my way. The week waiting for Berkeley to announce was the longest, most excruciating week of my life, especially because I knew the day and the time they were going to post. That day, I was a mess. I remember I went to the doctor's that day, and that was the only thing that really distracted me. I remember coming home, grabbing my laptop, and going to the living room. "Mom," I said, "it's time. And I really don't want to look." My mother reminded me that I had to check, and no matter if I had gotten into Cal or not, I had made her the proudest mother in the world. There was the frantic turning on of the computer, fumbling over the keyboard as I typed in the all-too familiar website with the information that would change my life. I remember reading the word "Congratulations" and not being able to breathe and starting to cry, despite myself. I had gotten into my dream school, I had done it, and every hardship that I went through to get there had been validated in an instant.
It's been a year, and I can definitely say that I'm happier than I've ever been, as well as satisfied with my life. It's a year later, and I just signed up for an LSAT class and I'm getting ready for life post-college. It's so weird to think that it's only been a year since coming to Berkeley, it honestly feels like a lifetime. I still think I'm a good person (though let's be honest, I'm biased), and I'm pretty smart, and yes, there IS so much more to life than school! Something I have to remind myself frequently, but it's an undeniable truth.
As far as being single, yeah, still am. But within this past year I was in my first serious relationship, and I fell head over heels. We were together for a large part of that year, but it's over now. That's still weird to think about, but I grew up so much and am a better person for everything I went through. Funny how I would have never predicted it, though...funny how life works sometimes.
Things really do happen for a reason, that's something I've always believed. Everything comes together and falls into place and it's that thought that gets me through the hard days and sleepless nights. Everything will be okay in the end, and I'm a better person for not always having it easy (though again, I've got to say I've got some of the most amazing things going on in my life and as "stressful" as my life is, I'm really lucky to be in school studying something I love). I've gone through a lot, but that's the point--I've gotten through it, and I'm okay.
Love yourself--trust me, I'm trying. It's a lifelong process, but I'm learning.
I'd definitely suggest sending yourself an email, see how much things change for you in a year. It's a good feeling to look back, and to see how much you've grown. It put a smile on my face and it's going to make enjoying this lovely day in the northern California sunshine that much better.
Happy birthday, blog! And congratulations on a good year, self, here's to many, many more. Cheers!
Showing posts with label flashback. Show all posts
Showing posts with label flashback. Show all posts
Friday, April 23, 2010
Friday, September 18, 2009
~flashback
Happy New Year to all of my fellow Jewish people! The time to re-analyze the past year is upon us once again, and as I sit at my desk at work I've got to wonder...where has the time gone? I cannot believe it's been a year, because although so much has changed, it's all happened so fast. Due to my two papers, I decided not to go to services this year (sorry Mom, priorities) but I still want to look back...I suppose a flashback (a la LOST) is in order...where was I a year ago?
I was starting my second year at Glendale, after officially switching my major to Mass Comm/Media Studies (I had been a political science major before; can you imagine?), and I was taking Speech, Astronomy, US History and Sociology. I surprisingly hated Speech (due to a biased ass of a professor), but ended up loving the rest of my classes. My history professor was a guy who protested Vietnam, and he was just so cool, not to mention ridiculously knowledgeable. Astronomy was difficult but really interesting, and Sociology was, well, Sociology. I was a member of the Scholars Cabinet, as VP of Communications along with Naira, and we, along with the rest of the Executive Cabinet and a new Director, were ready to make that year the best year ever !!!!! Unfortunately, that's not quite the way things panned out...not to rehash anything, but although I ended up gaining some great friends from Cabinet by the end of the year, I also ended up losing many, and there was a lot of unnecessary drama and tension that had me questioning why I ever joined (the Cabinet) in the first place. I began to bond with the First Years, and many a game of Egyptian War was played in the Garret. Meanwhile! I was working on my UC and USC applications, and debating whether or not to apply to NYU (decided not to). It was intense, but I got through it alive, though I've got say, that moment when I submitted my applications was absolutely terrifying. I had done everything I could, and at that moment, it was completely out of my hands. The holidays came and went, and then it was Spring.
Spring semester brought me Art History, Observational Astronomy, Russian History and Spanish 2. It was a hard semester, but I loved every minute of it. Russian History is definitely my passion, and I don't care what anyone says, it's absolutely fascinating. Art History was also an incredible class. Continued to bond with the First Years, many a party was held at my house :) Avoided people in Cabinet, it was bad news bears all around. Luckily, second semester flew by and before I knew it the time to receive admissions decisions from schools had arrived. Much to my surprise, I had been accepted to every single school I applied to. Though for a second I debated going to UCLA, I knew that wasn't where I was supposed to be, and within a couple of days I decided to go to Cal. The Scholars Banquet came and went, and I left Glendale with my head held high, my dignity intact, new friends and great (or at the very least, enlightening) life lessons learned.
With friends, it was a good year. Many parties, many adventures, many movie nights, many late night trips to Coral and Bourgeois Pig, rediscovering LACMA, discovering Alcove (ahhh I want an Apple-Brie Panini now!), and many of our infamous late night talks were held. We all stayed close, visiting each other at our respective schools, including a couple of trips to USC for me. As far as relationships go, I didn't really have any, and this was intentional. I knew that at the end of the year I would be leaving, so what would be the point of starting something? Besides, I'm really picky, and no one really caught my interest.
Summer came and went, and was filled with movies, friends, swimming, cameras, iced tea, 80s metal, driving around, live music, and good memories. My friends and I grew closer than ever, and luckily, we're still that close now. I spent a lot of time at home, reading and writing and just taking a mental break before the "big move." It was a Potter summer, so I re-read all the books and re-watched all the movies before Half-Blood Prince was released...we went at midnight, of course. (And yes, I realize how nerdy this is, haha.) Right before I left for Cal, I went with my family to Puerto Vallarta for a week, and it remains one of the most amazing, relaxing experiences I've ever had. I read Ken Follet's The Pillars of the Earth and World Without End in 4 days, and it was the first time I had truly read for fun in years. They also happened to be two of the best novels I have ever read in my life, so if you haven't already, go pick up a copy, I promise you won't regret it. Summer also meant reconnecting with an old friend, and that has been one of the best and most rewarding things to have happened this year.
Then, I moved. Moved away from everyone I loved, everyone I cared for, everything that was familiar and safe, and I moved by myself. Two suitcases was all I had to pack up my entire life. I know that coming to Cal is the best decision I've ever made, but that doesn't make it any easier to start over. It was hard, at first, but I'm okay now. I would actually probably say that I'm better than I've ever been, because I'm happy and focused and healthy.
I can't believe I've already been in school for almost a month. I can't believe that I have friends and a small community up here; I can't believe I haven't been in a car since August 17; I can't believe I stopped eating meat; I can't believe I'm almost twenty; I can't believe I actually have papers due! I can't believe I just summarized an entire year into a few short paragraphs. It's ridiculous how quickly time passes.
It's weird, not only knowing I'm not going to services, but that I'm not back home going to services. I always loved the church where we held services, I remember as a kid before they used to have kid's services we would just run around and explore and it was just fun. I know, not what the holiday is about, but hey, can't blame a kid for having a good time!
L'shanah tovah, everyone, have a good one.
I was starting my second year at Glendale, after officially switching my major to Mass Comm/Media Studies (I had been a political science major before; can you imagine?), and I was taking Speech, Astronomy, US History and Sociology. I surprisingly hated Speech (due to a biased ass of a professor), but ended up loving the rest of my classes. My history professor was a guy who protested Vietnam, and he was just so cool, not to mention ridiculously knowledgeable. Astronomy was difficult but really interesting, and Sociology was, well, Sociology. I was a member of the Scholars Cabinet, as VP of Communications along with Naira, and we, along with the rest of the Executive Cabinet and a new Director, were ready to make that year the best year ever !!!!! Unfortunately, that's not quite the way things panned out...not to rehash anything, but although I ended up gaining some great friends from Cabinet by the end of the year, I also ended up losing many, and there was a lot of unnecessary drama and tension that had me questioning why I ever joined (the Cabinet) in the first place. I began to bond with the First Years, and many a game of Egyptian War was played in the Garret. Meanwhile! I was working on my UC and USC applications, and debating whether or not to apply to NYU (decided not to). It was intense, but I got through it alive, though I've got say, that moment when I submitted my applications was absolutely terrifying. I had done everything I could, and at that moment, it was completely out of my hands. The holidays came and went, and then it was Spring.
Spring semester brought me Art History, Observational Astronomy, Russian History and Spanish 2. It was a hard semester, but I loved every minute of it. Russian History is definitely my passion, and I don't care what anyone says, it's absolutely fascinating. Art History was also an incredible class. Continued to bond with the First Years, many a party was held at my house :) Avoided people in Cabinet, it was bad news bears all around. Luckily, second semester flew by and before I knew it the time to receive admissions decisions from schools had arrived. Much to my surprise, I had been accepted to every single school I applied to. Though for a second I debated going to UCLA, I knew that wasn't where I was supposed to be, and within a couple of days I decided to go to Cal. The Scholars Banquet came and went, and I left Glendale with my head held high, my dignity intact, new friends and great (or at the very least, enlightening) life lessons learned.
With friends, it was a good year. Many parties, many adventures, many movie nights, many late night trips to Coral and Bourgeois Pig, rediscovering LACMA, discovering Alcove (ahhh I want an Apple-Brie Panini now!), and many of our infamous late night talks were held. We all stayed close, visiting each other at our respective schools, including a couple of trips to USC for me. As far as relationships go, I didn't really have any, and this was intentional. I knew that at the end of the year I would be leaving, so what would be the point of starting something? Besides, I'm really picky, and no one really caught my interest.
Summer came and went, and was filled with movies, friends, swimming, cameras, iced tea, 80s metal, driving around, live music, and good memories. My friends and I grew closer than ever, and luckily, we're still that close now. I spent a lot of time at home, reading and writing and just taking a mental break before the "big move." It was a Potter summer, so I re-read all the books and re-watched all the movies before Half-Blood Prince was released...we went at midnight, of course. (And yes, I realize how nerdy this is, haha.) Right before I left for Cal, I went with my family to Puerto Vallarta for a week, and it remains one of the most amazing, relaxing experiences I've ever had. I read Ken Follet's The Pillars of the Earth and World Without End in 4 days, and it was the first time I had truly read for fun in years. They also happened to be two of the best novels I have ever read in my life, so if you haven't already, go pick up a copy, I promise you won't regret it. Summer also meant reconnecting with an old friend, and that has been one of the best and most rewarding things to have happened this year.
Then, I moved. Moved away from everyone I loved, everyone I cared for, everything that was familiar and safe, and I moved by myself. Two suitcases was all I had to pack up my entire life. I know that coming to Cal is the best decision I've ever made, but that doesn't make it any easier to start over. It was hard, at first, but I'm okay now. I would actually probably say that I'm better than I've ever been, because I'm happy and focused and healthy.
I can't believe I've already been in school for almost a month. I can't believe that I have friends and a small community up here; I can't believe I haven't been in a car since August 17; I can't believe I stopped eating meat; I can't believe I'm almost twenty; I can't believe I actually have papers due! I can't believe I just summarized an entire year into a few short paragraphs. It's ridiculous how quickly time passes.
It's weird, not only knowing I'm not going to services, but that I'm not back home going to services. I always loved the church where we held services, I remember as a kid before they used to have kid's services we would just run around and explore and it was just fun. I know, not what the holiday is about, but hey, can't blame a kid for having a good time!
L'shanah tovah, everyone, have a good one.
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