brand new day.

This week has been ridiculously stressful, to say the least. As I mentioned in a previous entry, things had been going too well so things were bound to get a little screwy eventually, right? :) Between classes, tests, a MAJOR paper (that I have legitimately been working on for a week and am still nowhere near done), CalTV, work, Apartment Association, friend drama, and more, it's a lot to handle! I've been trying really hard to maintain control over my insecurities and feelings, but it's so hard sometimes. That's two thing that you totally lose when you leave for college, people who will tolerate you when you're emotional and a space in which you can be emotional. As lame as it sounds, it's really hard not having a space that is totally my own in which I can cry, laugh, sing, talk, yell or sleep without anyone watching. This total lack of privacy is completely unnerving at times, and it's only now that I realize that I've taken it for granted my whole life. I can't wait to have my own room next year, and regain that little bit of sanity that comes along with having my own space.

Throughout all the things that have happened this week, of which I don't care to elaborate because a) it'll only upset me more b) it'll upset the other people involved and c) the specifics aren't really important, it's become ridiculously apparent that I have amazing friends. Whether it be my best friend in Los Angeles, my friends up here or my boy back home, everyone has been so understanding and calming and I don't think that I would have retained my calm without their help. I'd also like to make a special shout-out to my mother who has been nothing short of amazing these past few days as I've slowly begun my descent into the madness that is stress.

Things are good, life is amazing. It's easy to get caught up in the moment and get upset over meaningless things but I have to stop myself and just remember that I am exactly where I want to be, with the most amazing people around me and in my life, and although things could be better, it's these moments that exist so that we can truly value the good things life has to offer.

los angeles, my love

Here's a collection of pictures I took when I went home for President's Day weekend, let me know what you think!

I went to the Downtown Los Angeles Art Walk with my family.

























At the Alcove Cafe with my best friends. Dinner was great, and then it was Marisa's 21st so we went to the Superbad liquor store!

bill clinton.

"You are living in a time in history when the individual citizen ... can have more influence over the outcome of affairs than ever before. The future is in your hands. You gotta be able to answer the how question and you have to be willing to put yourself on the line."

**EDIT: if you want to watch the whole speech, it's available at here :)

baby you're my light.

beating up my workload, one assignment at a time!

Long time no update! Things have been kind of insane, between midterms, flying home for President's Day weekend (and conveniently, Valentine's Day ♥), coming back to school, and prepping for even more midterms and papers. Overall though, life has been exceptional over the last few days, despite a minor freak out at the beginning of the week. I was informed last week that I had been selected to work as an Apartment Assistant (the equivalent of an RA for the apartments I currently live in) for next year, and I was ecstatic to get the job! I also did amazing on my first test in my First Amendment class, got a ticket to see Bill Clinton speak at Berkeley next week (and there were only 1,200 student tickets available and the server was crashing ALL MORNING), saw Shutter Island, had AMAZING pizza at Cheeseboard (it was Roma tomatoes, onions, mozzarella and French goat cheese, garlic olive oil, and Italian parsley; definitely one of the best pizzas I've ever had in my life), and more. I always get sort of nervous when things start to go too well, but after falling down half a flight of stairs today I think it's all balanced out (even if I'm not, haha).

(in case you weren't hungry already, here's a picture of the pizza I devoured)

Today I took at practice LSAT and did...eh, well considering I went in totally cold and was TOTALLY unprepared, I did okay. I think that if I work really hard I'll have a decent shot of getting into a somewhat reputable law school...maybe. I'm still deciding if that's what I really want to do. I really want to take a year off after I graduate, but part of me wants to keep the momentum going and go straight to law school/grad school/film school/wherever. I don't know what I want yet! And as much as I want to say that I have time to decide, realistically, I don't. It's stressing me out, but I'm trying not to worry too much right now.

ask me things!

Ask me anything you want, and I'll answer honestly: http://www.formspring.me/windowblues

I have a lot of posts I'm working on, so keep your eyes peeled for that in the near future, but first, I have a ridiculous amount of reading I need to get done!

if you want to sing out, sing out.

I don't know how to start off this blog eloquently, but basically, I've been doing a lot of thinking about the concept of higher education in American society.

Obviously, I'm an advocate of going to college--I'm currently going into massive debt to get my Bachelor's degree. However, recently I've been questioning how necessary getting a degree is; or rather, how necessary getting a degree should be. Does it prove something, and if it does, should that be a determining factor in someone's career? I'm not suggesting that an average Joe can just want to be a lawyer and become one; obviously, there has to be some sort of training for certain jobs. But for the countless number of us liberal arts majors (you know who you are, you English/History/Film/Anthropology/Mass Comm people!), is a degree really necessary? What would getting a Bachelor's in Russian History do in terms of working well with people in an office? Unless you're lucky enough to become a professional scholar on the Russian Revolution, chances are you're not going to be working on something related to your degree. I'm not trying to be mean here, I ask this considering that I almost majored in Russian History! Most of our degrees aren't teaching us practical things...they're teaching us theory, and they're teaching us how to think, but in the real world (and I say this based on my limited experience working out there), knowing Marx's theory of false consciousness doesn't mean a thing. I mean, it's an advantage I guess, but at the same time, if you can't unjam a copy machine what good does your fancy education do you?

I understand the value in going to a university, or at least, I do in the traditional sense. Those who are better educated are theoretically better citizens, and the better the citizens the better the democracy. Going to college used to be a rare event, reserved for the elite and the brilliant; as it becomes more accessible it also becomes more commonplace. Getting a degree used to mean you were special, that you had worked harder than anyone else and were getting prepared for a career. Nowadays, anyone and everyone can get a degree, and although the accessibility is wonderful, at the same time it diminishes the distinction between one person and the next. Once you have a degree, that's it...and you know what they say, even C's graduate. These days, one has to go the ~extra mile~ and go to graduate school, law school, or medical school in order to truly stand out among their peers. What, you mean my four years of undergraduate work don't matter anymore!? To be honest, the only reason many people go through undergrad is to get to the graduate level. I even had an advisor once tell me that my undergraduate major doesn't matter at all because I'm going to have to get further schooling anyways. Really? Way to be motivational!

In addition, people's motives for college have changed somewhat. Obviously, one goes to get a higher education to prepare them for a career. However, what happens if you want to go for a career that doesn't require a law degree, or a medical degree? What if you want to be a writer, and you've done writing workshops, and you just have a natural talent? Should you be required to go through the same educational system as someone pursuing a degree in engineering? I get that they're not the same thing, but it's just really frustrating to think that people feel obligated to get degrees, even though they can't afford it and they don't necessarily need them. Furthermore, a lot of technical colleges have lost support over the years, and so people no longer have as many 2-year options, so they are forced to get a 4-year degree.

Again, I'll restate the fact that I'm one of many, many people getting my degree. Personally, I view my education as an investment, and the experience itself of going to a world renowned university and moving out and all that jazz has been amazing. I'll defend my choice to go to school to the death...I love going to school and learning and as much as I complain about the work, I really do enjoy it. On the other hand, I'm acknowledging the fact that this system isn't made for everyone, and that it shouldn't be mandatory for those who, in all honesty, don't really need it. There are plenty of brilliant people I know who don't go to college, and they're a hell of a lot smarter than I am. Getting your degree and studying should be something you want, rather than something you need. I just wish society could be as tolerant about a ~lack of education, because a lack of a degree does NOT mean a lack of knowledge, skills, or talent!

dolores park.

andrea., originally uploaded by windowblues.

Spent the day in San Francisco with one of my best friends who I realized I've known for seven (7!) years. It's crazy how much more grown up we are...except not at all!

Back to reading, more tomorrow :)