sleepyhead.

Best remix I've heard in awhile; it's Passion Pit's "Sleepyhead" with the Jackson 5's "I Want You Back." One of the few things adding little bit of sunshine to my ridiculous week!

Things to look forward to (if I survive this week):

WEDNESDAY
-Lecture on The Godfather (I'VE BEEN WAITING ALL SEMESTER FOR THIS)
-Trivia!

THURSDAY
-Turning in my paper on Blue Valentine

FRIDAY
-Turning in the rough draft of my thesis (!!!!)
-FLYING BACK TO LA FOR PASSOVER!

inconceivable!

This semester is already turning out to be ridiculous.

As a transfer student who only gets two years at Cal, I definitely wanted to do everything possible to get as much as I could out of my college experience. Not to say I didn't get something out of my community college years--that was an experience in it of itself--but Berkeley was, and is, different. In any case, I immediately got involved in a variety of things, helping me avoid that period of homesickness that a lot of people experience once they move away to school. Though fall semester of 2009 was an adjustment period, it was the foundation for an amazing spring, summer, and fall of 2010. I went through a lot since I've been here--moving away, going somewhere in which I was completely alone with no one I knew around me, living with people I didn't know (and didn't particularly care for, for the most part), attending classes where the expectations and the stakes were tremendously high, my first serious relationship and first intense break-up, my first foray into the world of college partying (ha), meeting tons of new people, learning how to build friendships from the bottom up, learning how to trust people and let them in, growing up, working...it's a lot in a short amount of time.

In any case, the lack of time has led me to push myself more than a lot of people might have. This semester is already turning out to be ridiculously busy; despite the fact that I'm only taking two classes, I'm also writing an honors thesis (!), working as an Apartment Assistant, working as the advisor for the Apartment Association, and working front desk at Hillel. Attempting to maintain any sort of social life while all of this is going on is all sorts of impossible. I had to quit CalTV because I literally have no free time, and seeing my friends has become a fond memory. I'm torn--I don't want to waste my last semester of college in the library, but at the same, I don't want to waste my last semester at Berkeley screwing around, especially because I'm not sure if I'm even going to grad school right now. If this is my last semester in school ever, not only is that a terrifying thought but it's also motivation to push myself ridiculously hard. It's a fine line, and it appears that, at least for the moment, I've chosen academia over socializing. I have made a point to take Wednesday nights off--that's trivia night at the Bear's Lair, where my friends and I have been trivia regulars since last November. It's the highlight of my week, surrounded by friends and the coolest bar staff EVER, but then it's over and I go back to hitting the books. Other than that and the occasional movie/game night, I only get to see my friends when I study or eat with them. It kind of sucks, but hey, what can I do?

I can't believe I'm graduating in a matter of weeks. I can't believe that on May 5, I'll have completed a thesis (on the internet, identity, and privacy...it's going to be AWESOME). I'm currently job hunting, and although I'd love to stay in the Bay Area, I might be moving back to LA. I'm in shock, honestly.

Also, this is tangental but I can't believe I'm having an emergency root canal today, haha. I don't have time for this!

Ridiculous.

i've forgotten what it feels like to feel normal.

I have many, many pictures to post and I'll do so in due time, but for now, here's one of the door decorations/name tags I made for my residents :)

It's been awhile since I've updated, and with good reason! I got back from LA, enjoyed my last week of summer, and am currently in the midst of R.A. training. It's definitely an intense experience but I'm surrounded by an amazing staff and I'm learning a lot.

Fall is rapidly approaching, and it's terrifying. Two weeks from today I'll be starting my senior year of college and I honestly can't believe it...such a surreal thought. I'm excited, but nervous; I've got a lot on my plate this fall (4 classes, teaching an additional class, RA job, front desk job, and CalTV) so I'm a bit worried, but I also think that having so much will help me force me to focus. We'll see! I'm optimistic.

fire and rain.

I can't believe it's only been a week since I came back to Berkeley from Spring Break; it honestly feels like a lifetime ago. The past week was nice, but it was the calm before the storm. This week, the last four weeks of school really heat up, with midterms, papers, and then finals! I have an incredible amount of work to do, most of it actually interesting, but at the same time I just want to stay under my covers and watch movies. Actually, I have to watch two movies for my Atomic Age class, so I can actually get away with doing that...haha. In any case, I've got a lot to do, and I'm not particularly moved to do anything at all.

This weekend was excellent; my family (friends) Sue & Steve came up to see me and take me out to dinner (and breakfast)! Not only was it delicious, but it was so kind of them to come all the way up to come visit me :)



And of course, they wouldn't come without FROGS! :)



Today was really rainy. My friend and I had to head up to the Lawrence Hall of Science to check out their exhibit on race, and it was so wet out!



It definitely brought up a lot of interesting questions...I'm excited to discuss it in class on Wednesday.



In any case, I should get back to my studies...midterm on Tuesday, and then I have a paper due each week for the next four. Stressful, but with each major assignment I turn in I'm reminded of how much closer to summer I am!



BONUS SHOT: Me before my Passover Seder! Lookin' fancy :)

ALSO ALSO ALSO: it's my half birthday today, which means I am exactly six months away from my 21st birthday! It's so close I can almost taste it.

lovelovelove.

brand new day.

This week has been ridiculously stressful, to say the least. As I mentioned in a previous entry, things had been going too well so things were bound to get a little screwy eventually, right? :) Between classes, tests, a MAJOR paper (that I have legitimately been working on for a week and am still nowhere near done), CalTV, work, Apartment Association, friend drama, and more, it's a lot to handle! I've been trying really hard to maintain control over my insecurities and feelings, but it's so hard sometimes. That's two thing that you totally lose when you leave for college, people who will tolerate you when you're emotional and a space in which you can be emotional. As lame as it sounds, it's really hard not having a space that is totally my own in which I can cry, laugh, sing, talk, yell or sleep without anyone watching. This total lack of privacy is completely unnerving at times, and it's only now that I realize that I've taken it for granted my whole life. I can't wait to have my own room next year, and regain that little bit of sanity that comes along with having my own space.

Throughout all the things that have happened this week, of which I don't care to elaborate because a) it'll only upset me more b) it'll upset the other people involved and c) the specifics aren't really important, it's become ridiculously apparent that I have amazing friends. Whether it be my best friend in Los Angeles, my friends up here or my boy back home, everyone has been so understanding and calming and I don't think that I would have retained my calm without their help. I'd also like to make a special shout-out to my mother who has been nothing short of amazing these past few days as I've slowly begun my descent into the madness that is stress.

Things are good, life is amazing. It's easy to get caught up in the moment and get upset over meaningless things but I have to stop myself and just remember that I am exactly where I want to be, with the most amazing people around me and in my life, and although things could be better, it's these moments that exist so that we can truly value the good things life has to offer.

honestly...

In writing a personal lifestyle blog such as this, there's a thin line between honesty and talking too much; I want to convey my experiences as a college student as honestly as possible, but I'm afraid of putting too much of myself out into the world, especially considering that this is a TOTALLY open blog that anyone in the world has access to. Anyone! A scary thought, that anyone anywhere could be reading about my life...then again, I started this blog knowing that risk. Anyways... honesty. It's sometimes hard to be completely honest, because eventually someone would read something and get hurt, or I'd say something that someone could use against me. I have had far too many friends that have lost jobs or employment opportunities due to things they've said on blogs/twitter/facebook (though really, WHY they said some of the things they did is beyond me). In any case, it would suck. Then again, why do I bother writing a blog if I can't be completely honest about my college experience? It's not all rainbows and sunshine, not every person I've met has been amazing, not all of my classes/professors are perfect (despite that I'm at one of the best schools in the country), life isn't always perfect, etc. It's a conundrum, and I'm honestly still debating what to do about it.

In any case, tonight's the night--tomorrow I finish my first semester at Cal. I have to finish writing my advertising paper and continue studying for Media Studies...so. close. !!!! I was feeling pretty down earlier, but talking to my family and my best friend on the phone definitely gave me the motivation I needed to just get it done. Tomorrow's going to be a long day, but after it's over...that's it, my first semester at Berkeley will be totally over. I'm excited, but nervous! Expect a recap post once I get home. Wednesday I'll be packing all day (since I need to pack for LA, Israel, and NYC!) and then Thursday I will be flying home! I could not BE more excited.

One more crazy scholarly night, and I'm free until the 19th of January. I can do it!

P.S. - Could I have possibly used the word "honestly" anymore?! Honestly!

I HATE FINALS I HATE FINALS I HATE FINALS


Please explain to me why I'm writing an essay on U.S.-Mexico Border Relations for my GENDER STUDIES CLASS?! WHY AREN'T ANY OF THE QUESTIONS ABOUT GENDER?!?!?!

I can't wait until this semester is over.

overwhemled (1)

I'm overwhelmed. Talking to a good friend, they suggested I go to bed, rest, and wake up refreshed and ready to take on my workload one piece at a time. Good advice...given to me two (unproductive) hours ago. Whoops.

Honestly, why is it so hard to be productive? I'm smart, so why is this so hard? I'd like to blame the media for creating our short attention spans...but really, I hate that I can't just sit down and focus. I'm trying so hard not to put everything off, but at the same time, I can't just sit down and get it all done. I have two papers due a week from tomorrow, and though I have outlines for both (one on the iPhone campaign and one on Studio 60) I haven't actually started writing either...and let's not even get into the reading I haven't done. It's not like I'm going out and partying, though, I just sit at home and get distracted! Whether it be writing in my journal, updating my blog, or emailing my best friend, there's always something else that I'm doing. I know, I know, discipline, and when that doesn't work, there's always Self-Control. Goddamn. And the thing was, even though I didn't get what I needed to done, I did a lot: went to work, talked to GSI's for two different classes, made a new friend to study with, sat in the grass under a tree (which consequently reminded me of that Gilmore Girls episode, when Rory is exploring Yale to find the "perfect tree" to study under), did some reading for GWS, wrote two letters, wrote a four page journal entry, went to class (and paid attention...intersectionality is so intense!), studied with friends, went to dinner...it's just when I got home that all of the sudden I just...stopped. I don't know, I guess this is something I'm going to have to learn to deal with, and overcome. It's just hard.

I should go to bed, I've got a long day tomorrow.

busy bee!

I really shouldn't be posting right now, but hey, isn't that what us college students are known best for? You know, getting online and putting off our reading and papers, then reading the news, checking out our favorite blogs, texting our friends, calling our mothers...basically, procrastinating.

I'm not going to even try to say that I've never procrastinated; in fact, I became pretty efficient at procrastinating my first couple of years of college. I mean, it got to the point where I wrote a ten page paper on stem cell research the night before it was due...and was then able to convince the professor to give me an extension, edited it, and got an A. I was really lucky, but not the best strategy, right?

Right. Especially since at Cal, you really can't do that. You can do a lot of things (and get away with a lot of things, just ask the people smoking weed on the corner of Channing & Telegraph), but you simply cannot get away with putting stuff off, not anymore. At least, not with any of my professors! I have so much to do it's ridiculous. Here's the basic summary of the stuff I need to do/start this weekend, for those of you who care:

• Media Studies Discussion: Response Paper on different news sources' covering the health care debate (due Sept 15)
  
• Media Studies Lecture: 4-5 page paper analyzing any one piece of media (due Sept 24)
  
• Advertising: 4-5 page paper analyzing one individual piece of advertising (due Sept 24)
  
• Gender in America: Newsmedia Journal (collect one article/week and analyze it using our reading) (due Nov 18, but need one entry/week)
  
• Reading for Advertising (Total Package ch 3, 4, 7; Land of Desire ch 1-3; Advertising the American Dream ch 5-8)
  
• Reading for Media Studies (MediaMaking pg 65-132, 135-160, 219-232; Convergence Culture: "Origami Unicorn"; "The Problem of Knowing"; "Predicting the Unpredictables")
  
• Reading for Gender Studies ("Removal"; "Cherokee Women"; "Crafting Feminist"; "Katrina & Social Justice"; "Natural & Social Meet"; "Crossing the Line"; "Ethnic Scarring")
  

So, I'm going to get started tonight and GET.IT.DONE. I don't really have any other options...I want to do well, so I'm going to invest all of my time into getting everything done to the best of my ability...which happens with time, and therefore no more procrastinating (I hope). Wish me luck!

Oh, I guess I never mentioned that I dropped my History of Latin America class? I didn't really need it (unless I decide to double major in History), and the Professor was awful (honestly, I never thought it was possible to fall asleep in a history class, especially at Berkeley...I was wrong), and there was SO MUCH READING. So, why invest time in a class I don't really need or like when I can focus more on the classes that actually apply to my major? To make up for my lack of units, I'm taking a class on Digital Photography, which starts on Monday. I'm so excited!

Also, I decided to take my own advice (for once) and get involved~. I'm running (unopposed) to become the secretary of the Apartment Tenant Association, and applying to get involved in CalTV (applying for the Cinematography department & the Marketing team...we'll see where/if I get in!)

Basically...I need to get off the internet. Bye!