Saturday, November 7, 2009

get back.

I feel overwhelmed. By school, by friends (or lack thereof), by the future, by monetary issues, by new feelings, by having to make decisions, by having to grow up.

For the most part, I'd say I'm doing okay; in fact, I'd even venture as far as saying that I'm doing well. But then I have these moments where nothing is clear, and the lack of clarity terrifies me. When I was going through the transfer process, everything made sense--essentially, I just had to follow a list of steps, and if I did everything right, I would end up where I wanted. Easy enough. But now that I'm here, at Berkeley, my goal since I was twelve...where do I go next? I know, I need to stop worrying about the future and focus on the present. Hell, if the universe ends in 2012 it won't actually matter if I end up going to film school or law school, right? So I can just take the year off until the apocalypse? Yeah? Awesome.

I don't even know what I'm talking about. I have two major papers to finish, that I HAVE to do well on. HAVE TO. If not, I risk not getting A's...and goddamn I'm going to get those A's if it kills me. See what Cal is doing to me? Sigh.

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