paranoid android.

This blog began as a place to document my experience as a transfer student, and quickly became a place to catalog my Berkeley experience as a whole. I'm afraid that it's gotten too personal, and that one day the words I've written, or have refused to write, will come back to haunt me. It was impossible to write an honest account of everything because I didn't want to write things that were hurtful about anyone, and quite frankly, not everyone I encountered in the past year helped make my junior year memorable. Instead, I chose to gloss over or not even mention some of the difficulties I went through last year, because again, I didn't want to hurt anyone...not that they cared if what they were doing was hurting me. Regardless, it wasn't a full and honest account of what I went through, and yet, I feel as though I've still managed to put too much of myself into this blog. However, I don't know any other way to write, other than to say what I think and feel...I guess I need to start looking for a middle ground. No drastic changes to come as of now, but just something I had been thinking about for awhile.

blackbird.

Lately, I can't sleep. I brush my teeth, turn off my computer and the lights, play a game of solitaire and attempt to fall asleep. For the last couple of weeks, it's failed. I've tried everything, from hot tea to soothing music, and none of it has been working. For some reason or another, I have too much on my mind to be able to rest, and the last couple of nights I've had a variety of strange dreams when I DO manage to fall asleep. Last night was ridiculous; after the LSAT I got home, ate dinner, watched a couple of episodes of Buffy and attempted to go to bed at 11:00pm, only to be awake until 4:00am. When I did fall asleep, I managed to have one of the most upsetting dreams in recent history; needless to say, I didn't feel very rested when I woke up this morning. I honestly don't know why I'm so stressed; I'm done with the LSAT and despite having tons to do for my AA job, I have a lot of free time now! Time to sleep, read, write, eat, cook, photograph, explore, enjoy...so why am I feeling so anxious? Gah. Hopefully this is just a phase.

Other than that, things are pretty damn good. My first program is on Saturday (watching the USA v. England game!), so I have to put that together but I'm really excited about it. And, a week from Thursday, my mom and brother will be up in Berkeley, and I'm so excited to see them! It's been too long and I really miss spending time with them. I'm excited that it's FINALLY summer and that I can take the time to really take care of and nurture myself. It's time for me to stop looking back at this past year, as amazing as it was, and start applying more time to thinking about not only the future, but the present as well. Life is good, and it's time to enjoy it!

LSAT free is the way to be!

I took the LSAT today and now, it's officially summer!

Real update to come, I promise :)

it won't be long.

I made pizza yesterday!



On the left is my favorite goat cheese & sundried tomato pizza (recipe here!) and on the right is a pizza margarita (inspired by this recipe).





Not only was it delicious, but it was really pretty!







Needless to say, I was pretty pleased with the results.

***

The LSAT is on Monday and I've got to admit, I am feeling a bit better about the exam. I still have studying left to do, but I'm feeling confident that if I stay calm and focus I can do really well. I can't WAIT for it to be Monday afternoon so I can start my summer!

breathe.

This is me, all day every day, either studying or watching tv:


Finally mine:




I feel as though I can't study anymore. The LSAT is a week from tomorrow and I'm not where I want to be and yet I am stumped, unfocused, and frustrated. I keep studying but it still doesn't come naturally to me, and so now I just feel that I'm not getting anything out of the hours spent prepping and why should I waste my time? Gah! Hopefully I'll get out of this funk by tomorrow; I need to get re-energized so that I can focus and show this exam who's boss. I'm just in a slump with everything, and I need to snap out of it. I don't know why I'm feeling like this, I've got a lot coming up: eight days until I'm done with the LSAT (hopefully), eighteen days until my mom and brother are here, two months until I (hopefully) go home for a week, three months until my brother's bar mitzvah and school starts again and all my friends are back in Berkeley, four months until Band of Horses plays in Berkeley and five months until I'm twenty-one. So much to look forward to, but today I'm going to settle in with the Bartlet administration and forget about the real world for a little bit.

the west wing.

I bought myself an actual present for doing really well this semester; The West Wing: The Complete Series box set! I got an amazing deal on Amazon and I think it was an excellent use of my last paycheck of the semester. I'm watching in-between doing practice LSAT sections, and it's encouraging me to study more so I can go to law school like Josh Lyman! Just kidding...it actually makes me think of how I want to write for television more than anything in the world. I don't want to grow up because I don't know what I'm supposed to do yet! I guess I'll just get through the LSAT and go from there...still, it's starting to get really frustrating being torn between two really different career paths.

northwest apartment.

My new apartment is amazing. Because I'm the Apartment Assistant (or AA, which is the same as an RA) I get my own room and my own bathroom! I share a kitchen and a living room with two other girls who are absolutely lovely. Here's a quick peek into my new digs!



























Not pictured are the common areas, my private bathroom, and the view from my window of the Campanile! Obviously, it's much larger and nicer than the typical dorm room, and even a step up from the apartment I lived in last year. I didn't realize how little space I had in my last apartment until I moved into my new place! It's so comfortable, and I think that if I stay as organized as I am right now it's going to be a really great place to get work done. I'm really excited to be living here, and to live with awesome people, and to be an AA. Here's to a good year!