the general specific.

It has been over a month since I've updated; though I could offer a million valid excuses, I'll just hang my head and apologize as sincerely as possible. I've sat down to write several times, but every time I do I'll stare at the empty white space and forget whatever it was that seemed so important to talk about. It's one of the worst cases of writer's block I've ever had, unable to write truth or fiction. My screenplay, written and visualized in my head, has been trapped; my memories and stories all seem trivial, so I push them aside to make room for something else. All of my energy towards writing has been going towards my schoolwork, and even then it's hard figuring out what I want to say. In any case, I hope to return to regular updates, though I doubt that anyone reads this other than myself and my mother.

This past month has been absolutely hectic, wonderful, awful, heartbreaking, eye-opening, amazing, chaotic, and stressful. Making the decision to take a year off once I graduate in May to figure out what I want to do with my life was one of the best, at least so far; it's one less thing to worry about right now, and with everything I've got going on--three upper-division classes, one class that I'm teaching with my friend, two jobs, clubs, and friends--one less thing to worry about is the best feeling in the world. I don't have much time to dedicate to studying for a standardized exam or working on applications, and so to not have to worry about that right now is definitely a relief. However, I'm definitely being a lot harder on myself in terms of academics; my goal is a 4.0 and I'm working with my advisor to write my honors thesis in the spring. I'm currently studying suburban families in contemporary American sitcoms for my research methods class and currently working on a content analysis, and writing a paper on gender roles in The Godfather for my Gender & Media class. As busy as I am, I love absolutely everything I'm learning and I'm trying to soak in as much as possible while I'm still at Cal.

There's also a summer internship at the Berkman Center for Internet & Society at Harvard that I am DYING to apply for; though my first love will always be screenwriting, I'd definitely argue that my interest is in the internet and the way people utilize it is no passing fancy. It's something that has always intrigued me, and something that still remains a vastly unexplored field, meaning that there's definitely a lot of groundbreaking research to be done. It's something that affects me personally, as well as something that affects absolutely everyone I know...what could be more interesting?! In any case, it's an idea of a possible career path and hopefully applying for and getting an internship would allow me to see if it's something I'd want to pursue more.

My job as an Apartment Assistant is good. I can't go into specifics, due to confidentiality and respect for my residents and my staff, but I can say that although it's a hell of a lot more demanding than I ever imagined, it's also a lot more rewarding that I thought possible. It's crazy but I love it, and I'm really glad I get the opportunity to do this job.

Life is pretty good. Sarah came up last weekend and we saw Band of Horses perform at the Greek in Berkeley! Definitely one of the best concerts I've ever seen; we were in the front row and it was absolutely perfect. Despite being so busy that I had to miss Hardly Strictly Bluegrass in order to try and get some work done, last night I went to go see Going the Distance and The Social Network. Both were excellent, and despite being able to clearly relate them to points I'm learning in class it was a nice mental break. Now it's time to buckle down and work, especially since my 21st birthday is on Monday!

school's out for summer!

Today was the longest day I've had in a long time: waking up early to study, my last final of the semester, a quick trip to San Francisco for an internship interview, back to campus to finish my LSAT reading and catch up with Katie, LSAT prep class for three and a half hours, and finally getting home, only to eat some of the sourdough bread I got in SF (see: picture above) and catch up on How I Met Your Mother. Ridiculous day, but it was really productive. Even though I'm exhausted, I'm content.

I just finished my first year at Berkeley, and my junior year of college. Holy shit.

Hello, summer!

feeling this.

Upon realizing I hadn't made any school related posts lately, I decided it was time for one! School is going well, I think. I absolutely adore my Mass Media and Advertising in America classes, and although they're really difficult, I truly feel as though I'm learning a lot. Mass Media is fascinating, and it's interesting to actually study the evolution of media and how it affects society. Advertising is ridiculously hard, but to see how not only society shapes ads but ads shape society...it's pretty intense. My Gender in America class (which I changed to Pass/No Pass because I felt that I bombed the midterm...only to get an A, ugh) is pretty boring; I guess it could be interesting, but the way the information is presented my attention is quickly diverted elsewhere. My Digital Photography decal is fairly interesting, and I'm enjoying learning to play around with the different features on my camera. I'm planning a photo post soon, so look out for that!

What I'm going to do with all this knowledge I'm not quite sure, but hopefully I'll figure it out soon. I kind of want to start looking into the LSATs and seeing if that's going to be something I want to do; if not, start looking at either grad school for Mass Comm (for which I'd have to take the GRE ugh) or film school. Publishing also interests me, as I've always been an excellent editor. I'm not sure which direction I want to go in, but I have time to figure it out...well, a little bit of time. Is it bad I also want to take a year off to live abroad (hopefully in Spain)? And that I kind of want to move back to Los Angeles a little bit? I don't know. These are the things I have in the back of my mind, all the time. It's stressful!

At least I don't have to worry about the future right now...I'm too busy dealing with the present. Last week I went to talk to my GSI (graduate student instructor) about the ad analysis I was writing and afterwards, we were talking and he commented that I seem to have assimilated fairly quickly and easily for a transfer student. I hadn't thought about it, but I suppose it's true...as soon as I got here, I jumped in and got a job (at Berkeley Hillel), joined Apartment Association and CalTV. Schoolwise, I've always been pretty focused, so that hasn't been as much of a problem, though it's a lot more painful to procrastinate here than it was at GCC. I am having a little bit more trouble when it comes to meeting people, but even then, I am slowly building friendships. It took me awhile, but I've come to the realization that the reason my friendships back home are so amazing is because they've developed over a number of years; I can't expect the same connection up here when I've only been here a few months! In any case, I am making friends and meeting all sorts of different people and it's lovely. I've gotten homesick (especially with my family, best friends, and boy all at home) a few times, but I know that coming here was the best thing I could ever do, and that this time apart from all of them just makes me value them more. I have friends who have gone home three, four times already, and honestly, I think that just makes things harder. To truly feel at home here you've got to make a conscious effort to make it your home, and stop thinking about what you left behind. That's not to say I'm never coming back--are you kidding, I love Los Angeles!--but instead of crying over what I left behind I'm going to enjoy all the new things Berkeley has to offer that LA does not. And if I want to go back when I'm done with school I can, and I will!

In any case, things are going well, I'm doing well, and I'm fairly content. Thanksgiving is in eleven days and I can't wait to see everyone I love! Life is too good sometimes, and I definitely feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

carpe diem!

Nothing like some good ice cream and good conversation to remind you of the simple pleasures in life.
It's important to remember that not everything is about school. I have to keep reminding myself this, because it is way too easy to get caught up in what I call the "Berkeley mentality" of "study study study; future future future!" There's something to be said about living in the present, taking the time to enjoy yourself and just live. Yes, I need to think about next semester/next year/my future. I need to figure out if I want to do law school/grad school/film school/none of the above. I know I need to deal with my reading and my essays and my financial aid. I know I should get caught up where I'm behind, I should even try to get ahead. I'm really good at getting caught up in the bullshit that is school; I tend to get ridiculously stressed easily and I forget that by this time next year, I won't care about the grade I got on a paper this semester. Life is so much more than grades! I mean, they're important, but my mental health and sanity is much more important. It's okay to not know what I'm doing next year or once I get my degree, and it's okay to not have a plan...in fact, maybe that's for the best. I've had a plan since high school and although it's terrifying to not have one, at the same time, it's absolutely thrilling and exciting. Besides, there's no knowing what the future will hold, so why focus all my time on it when I could be enjoying the present?

Carpe diem quam minimum credula postero – "Seize the day, trusting as little as possible in the future"