there's a moment when you realize that everything you expected is totally different, and a pause, and then another moment when you realize that it's okay.

***

cal is good. it's hard, and intense, but it's good. i like three out of my four classes (and who knows, maybe i'll come around to the last class once i attend more than one session) and though the workload is ridiculous, i'm enjoying learning. hopefully my eagerness doesn't wear off, because i've got a ridiculously intensive semester ahead of me, including seven essays. seven! ridiculous.

the hardest part about starting over is just that; starting over. i don't know about you all, but i've had the same group of best friends since i was in high school, and we've remained close even though we all went off to college. since i was at home for two years, it was easy to stay in touch; when they'd come home, they'd come see me as well. easy enough. now that i'm away, though, it's not as simple, and though i'm grateful for innovations such as skype and ichat and my cell phone, it's just not the same. i miss going out to coffee or grabbing pancakes at two in the morning with my bests. i knew that coming to cal would mean starting over, and i know it's what's best for me, but that doesn't make it any easier.

i've met some interesting people, and i'm excited to get to know them, but at the same time, it's hard not having those who know me ridiculously well here. no one here can read me just by looking at me, and that's both a blessing and a curse. i guess that's why they say you should be careful what you wish for, right?

as for living on my own, i'm enjoying it. my roommates are all pretty awesome, and we all get along, which is ridiculously lucky. i've become more obsessively organized since coming up here, it's all sorts of ridiculous, but better clean than messy. i like taking care of myself, and making my own food (screw the meal plan, i can cook just fine) and feeling like an adult.

i guess i should go read now. you know when they tell you when you go to college you're going to have a lot of reading? it's true. i have at least 300 pages...at least. i'm too lazy to count, i'm just taking it one chapter at a time.

xo

and so it begins.

Today is the first day of my new job (a receptionist at Berkeley Hillel) and class. It's finally hit me that I'm going to Cal, that I've actually accomplished something I'd only dreamed of. This is what accomplishment feels like, kids, and it's the best feeling in the world.

happiness is a new apartment

So, I'm here, and I've got to say, I'm in love. I don't feel homesick at all, because this place already feels like home. My apartment is amazing (I'm sure I'll get around to posting pictures soon), my roommates (so far) are chill (though I've only met one of three, so far), this city is beautiful, the food is delicious, the campus is gorgeous...love all around. I can't wait to start classes, but at the same time, I'm enjoying having a week to just explore. If you read my joint blog with my best friend Josephine (found here), you'll see my list of top ten things about why I moved to Berkeley, at least so far. I'm so happy to finally be here, it's honestly everything I've ever wanted. I'm so ready to start! Community college was great, and it's so worth it when you end up exactly where you wanted to be. So, so worth it.

Anyways, I'm off to explore campus with my new friend (we're going to go find our classes so we don't get lost the first day, ha!) but I'll post a thorough update soon. Oh, and also, I realized I have emails I haven't responded to yet...I'm SO sorry, between the packing, vacation, more packing, and moving, I haven't been good about getting to emails. I will respond soon!

xo

moving, part one

I'm moving TODAY. I'll be boarding a plane in about seven hours...

I cannot believe this is actually happening.

almost there

I move in August 17th. It's so soon! Especially since I'll be out of town from August 8th-15th. The 16th is for seeing my best friends one last time and going to go see the Gin Blossoms in concert (despite what anyone will tell you...the 90s will never die! at least, in my heart). I'm almost all packed, there's just a few things missing...honestly, the hardest part is going to be saying goodbye to everyone I love.

But that's then and it's now, and right now I'm just dealing with things day by day. That's how you've got to do it! Otherwise, everything is really, really overwhelming, haha.