becoming a bear

there's a moment when you realize that everything you expected is totally different, and a pause, and then another moment when you realize that it's okay.

***

cal is good. it's hard, and intense, but it's good. i like three out of my four classes (and who knows, maybe i'll come around to the last class once i attend more than one session) and though the workload is ridiculous, i'm enjoying learning. hopefully my eagerness doesn't wear off, because i've got a ridiculously intensive semester ahead of me, including seven essays. seven! ridiculous.

the hardest part about starting over is just that; starting over. i don't know about you all, but i've had the same group of best friends since i was in high school, and we've remained close even though we all went off to college. since i was at home for two years, it was easy to stay in touch; when they'd come home, they'd come see me as well. easy enough. now that i'm away, though, it's not as simple, and though i'm grateful for innovations such as skype and ichat and my cell phone, it's just not the same. i miss going out to coffee or grabbing pancakes at two in the morning with my bests. i knew that coming to cal would mean starting over, and i know it's what's best for me, but that doesn't make it any easier.

i've met some interesting people, and i'm excited to get to know them, but at the same time, it's hard not having those who know me ridiculously well here. no one here can read me just by looking at me, and that's both a blessing and a curse. i guess that's why they say you should be careful what you wish for, right?

as for living on my own, i'm enjoying it. my roommates are all pretty awesome, and we all get along, which is ridiculously lucky. i've become more obsessively organized since coming up here, it's all sorts of ridiculous, but better clean than messy. i like taking care of myself, and making my own food (screw the meal plan, i can cook just fine) and feeling like an adult.

i guess i should go read now. you know when they tell you when you go to college you're going to have a lot of reading? it's true. i have at least 300 pages...at least. i'm too lazy to count, i'm just taking it one chapter at a time.

xo