inconceivable!

This semester is already turning out to be ridiculous.

As a transfer student who only gets two years at Cal, I definitely wanted to do everything possible to get as much as I could out of my college experience. Not to say I didn't get something out of my community college years--that was an experience in it of itself--but Berkeley was, and is, different. In any case, I immediately got involved in a variety of things, helping me avoid that period of homesickness that a lot of people experience once they move away to school. Though fall semester of 2009 was an adjustment period, it was the foundation for an amazing spring, summer, and fall of 2010. I went through a lot since I've been here--moving away, going somewhere in which I was completely alone with no one I knew around me, living with people I didn't know (and didn't particularly care for, for the most part), attending classes where the expectations and the stakes were tremendously high, my first serious relationship and first intense break-up, my first foray into the world of college partying (ha), meeting tons of new people, learning how to build friendships from the bottom up, learning how to trust people and let them in, growing up, working...it's a lot in a short amount of time.

In any case, the lack of time has led me to push myself more than a lot of people might have. This semester is already turning out to be ridiculously busy; despite the fact that I'm only taking two classes, I'm also writing an honors thesis (!), working as an Apartment Assistant, working as the advisor for the Apartment Association, and working front desk at Hillel. Attempting to maintain any sort of social life while all of this is going on is all sorts of impossible. I had to quit CalTV because I literally have no free time, and seeing my friends has become a fond memory. I'm torn--I don't want to waste my last semester of college in the library, but at the same, I don't want to waste my last semester at Berkeley screwing around, especially because I'm not sure if I'm even going to grad school right now. If this is my last semester in school ever, not only is that a terrifying thought but it's also motivation to push myself ridiculously hard. It's a fine line, and it appears that, at least for the moment, I've chosen academia over socializing. I have made a point to take Wednesday nights off--that's trivia night at the Bear's Lair, where my friends and I have been trivia regulars since last November. It's the highlight of my week, surrounded by friends and the coolest bar staff EVER, but then it's over and I go back to hitting the books. Other than that and the occasional movie/game night, I only get to see my friends when I study or eat with them. It kind of sucks, but hey, what can I do?

I can't believe I'm graduating in a matter of weeks. I can't believe that on May 5, I'll have completed a thesis (on the internet, identity, and privacy...it's going to be AWESOME). I'm currently job hunting, and although I'd love to stay in the Bay Area, I might be moving back to LA. I'm in shock, honestly.

Also, this is tangental but I can't believe I'm having an emergency root canal today, haha. I don't have time for this!

Ridiculous.

january hymn.

Dear 2011,

I know we've only just met, but I've got a few things to say to you. I knew you were coming--who didn't?--and i'd like to say I was ready and prepared to meet you. To be honest, I was scared of you. I know that with your appearance would come an overwhelming number of changes in my life, many of which I'd like to think I will meet head-on. I will be graduating from Berkeley (!) in May and moving on into the real world. I'll be looking for jobs and thinking about applying to graduate school--I'll have to grow up. In that sense, I was dreading meeting you, because it would mean the end of an era.

But you, you had some tricks up your sleeve. Though it's only the 20th, so much has happened! Something clicked, and I cannot even try to explain what it was but all of the sudden I was no longer scared of what you had to offer. I was all of the sudden excited, and for the first time in my life, really appreciative of trying to enjoy every moment possible. I've made a point of writing at least a couple of sentences about my day every day (or more, if I've got the time) and it's one of the best decisions I've made. Last semester, I realized I needed to think more positively and try to find the silver lining. Now, it's time to enjoy the little things--the sunshine on my face, a smile shared by friends, a recipe gone inexplicably well, a memory that makes me laugh, a glass of wine after a long day--the details are what matters now.

This year has been off to such a good start. It hasn't been easy as you've already provided a plethora of difficult situations, but I've made it through smiling. Here's to the start of an excellent friendship.

Love,
Andrea

fuel up.

For me, there's no better feeling than that of writing in a brand new Moleskine planner, in which the metaphor of starting the year on a new page comes to life. Ridiculously cheesy, I know, but I've always liked the idea of starting anew, and there's no better way to do that than with a new planner for a new year!

This past year was a hard one, with some of the highest and lowest points thus far. 2011 is a big year--graduating college, figuring out what to do post-college, possibly (unfortunately) leaving Berkeley, maybe moving back to Los Angeles, adjusting to possibly moving back home for a bit, etc. There's a lot I'm looking forward to, and a lot I'm dreading, but I'm certain that this will be a year to remember, and if I have anything to do with it, there's going to be a hell of a lot more good memories than bad ones.

I have a feeling that 2011 is going to be a good one, full of love, music, memories, papers, introspection, family, transition, sunshine, adventures, good food, friends, research, kindness, happiness, and change.

Happy New Year, readers!



so fuel up your mind and fire up your heart and drive on
drive on, drive on...
and when your days are darker put your foot down harder,
drive on, drive on.