becoming a bear

until the very end.

2011-07-14T10:14:00.000-07:00

Today, with both the last of the Harry Potter films being released at midnight and my pending flight home, I find my childhood quickly coming to an end. As I sit at the airport re-reading quotes from my favorite childhood novels and trying not to cry, I'm reminded of what an incredible journey the past couple of years have been.

I have much more to say, but my flight is here and it's time to board. Here's to the next great adventure of my life--cheers!

this time tomorrow.

2011-07-03T03:19:00.000-07:00

Summer has been a flurry of hellos and goodbyes, new recipes and old movies, aches and pains, solitude and growth.

Positive things: This past week, I got to see a lot of friends, and it was nice to be around so many wonderful people. I've been cooking a lot more (and documenting it!), trying new recipes and cooking with friends. It's been great! My friend Sierra and I made a list of a variety of different recipes we'd like to try and I cannot wait to post them! I'm also excited that I get to see what is arguably my favorite movie (other than The Godfather) on the big screen this Thursday, which I'm not ashamed to say will probably be the highlight of my week.

Not so good things: I've had to deal with my share of injuries and illnesses; between a slight summer cold, random tendonitis flair-ups and a mysterious back pain that landed me with pain killers and an appointment in physical therapy, it's been kind of ridiculous. At least it gave me an excuse to avoid my laundry and stay in bed watching tv? Trying to be positive...it's been a bummer being on bedrest for a week.

I'm moving back to Los Angeles on the 14th, and I doubt I could feel anymore conflicted about it than I currently do. Part of me dislikes the fact that I don't have a set plan after college, that I'm wandering aimlessly about until I find my place. I can't decide if I want to pursue graduate school in the study of film and screenwriting, or if I should go straight to work. It's hard not to get a little cynical when all the odds are against me, but at the same time, I have to keep reminding myself that the odds have never stopped me before. All the odds were against me going to Cal and I beat them, and the odds were against me graduating with honors and I did that too. I've never let myself be intimidated by a challenging situation, and I just have to keep reminding myself that I've yet to fail a goal I've set for myself so I have no reason to be worried. It's just hard to not worry while I'm unemployed and confused.

On the bright side, I love Los Angeles and I cannot wait to be back. I'm excited to see my family and my LA friends, read by the pool, hike Runyon Canyon and Griffith Park, (finally) go for drinks at the Alcove's Big Bar , go to Outdoor Cinema Food Fest, going to the Griffith Observatory, check out the Tim Burton exhibit at LACMA (even though I saw it in New York!), continuing to work on creating a writing portfolio, cooking in a fully stocked kitchen with all the gadgets you can imagine, and more. It'll be good, even though the change is a bit daunting. I'll be okay, though--I always am.

the graduate

2011-05-28T12:42:00.000-07:00

So, I'm officially done with college. That's a pretty important life milestone, right? Graduation was great, and I was stoked to have not fallen on my face in front of everyone--a legitimate concern when you're as clumsy as I am. It was also amazing having all of my family here to share such an important day with me, it definitely wouldn't have been as awesome without them all there. I also wouldn't have had the opportunity to eat at all of my favorite Berkeley restaurants in a three day period if they hadn't come up, so thanks!

Really though--I'm still in shock that I graduated from Berkeley. It was my dream school forever, and to have actually achieved something I worked really hard for is the most gratifying and incredible feeling in the world. The fact that I graduated with honors, well, that's just the icing on the cake. It's crazy to think that there were so many people who thought less of me for going to community college, and yet I've come out on top--not only having graduated (with honors! and with less debt!), but having become a better person and student because of my experiences. Nothing was ever handed to me, and having had to work and fight for everything has left a defining mark on my character and the way in which I approach the world. I am so proud of myself for setting such high goals and having not only met them, but surpassed them.

But now it's a week later, my family is back home, the champagne has worn off and reality is starting to sink in. I've got my rent paid and somewhat of a schedule through mid-July thanks to my RA job, but after that, I have no idea what I'll be doing with my life. That, my friends, is a terrifying thought. I'm applying to jobs both in the Bay Area and in Los Angeles, but I haven't sent that many applications out yet and I don't know where I'll be living. I also tend to be a bit of a perfectionist, and although I think I've got a decent cover letter, when I spend 3+ hours customizing it for particular jobs, it makes it hard to send out a lot of applications at once. I haven't freaked out about it this whole "funemployment" thing yet, but I am starting to get a bit nervous about the lack of a plan in my life post-July. Worst case scenario, I move back home--which, considering it's rent-free with a fully stocked kitchen, doesn't sound like the worst idea...but definitely not the best either, as I've grown to like living on my own. If I can't find a job, I'm looking at some Master's in Film programs, but as of right now I don't know if I want to go back to school again. I know what I want to do, or at least what I want to try to do--write. However, trying to figure out how to get a job that will pay the bills and allow me to do so is the tricky part. I'm confident that I'll do great wherever I end up getting a job, but for right now it's a matter of finding one!

In any case, alongside applying for jobs and marathoning the West Wing while writing cover letters, I am enjoying wandering around Berkeley in the summer, attempting to see all the wonderful people I've gotten the chance to know before they leave, cooking new recipes, sleeping, going to gym (regularly!), starting new blogging projects (although I admit that starting the last week that all my friends were in town was a bad call), and picking up side jobs to make a little summer money. I'm so lucky to have this time to decompress after an intense two years, and to do so in a beautiful city at that. I'm not ready to say goodbye to Berkeley, and I'm glad I have at least a couple months left here to appreciate it without essays and readings looming over my head.

pomp & circumstance

2011-05-20T14:43:00.000-07:00

Officially an alumna of the University of California, Berkeley!

mission accomplished!

2011-05-05T19:47:00.000-07:00

I finished my thesis! I'm graduating from Berkeley with honors! Life is good!

the head and the heart.

2011-04-28T12:57:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to go see the Head and the Heart! It was one of the most ridiculous nights in a long time...including the moment when I jumped onstage to get a copy of the set list :) Here are some pictures from last night! They were really hard to photograph because they dance so much, but I managed to get a few decent shots.

Driving to the city...I really love the Bay Area.

The show was at Bottom of the Hill. It was a small, intimate venue--the best kind.

The opening act was the Devil Whale. They were alright...not my favorite.

Half of Team Alice! We now have a Facebook fan page...it's pretty great.

FINALLY, the Head and the Heart came on!

Such an amazing show--their album is good, but it isn't until you see them live that you understand how absolutely incredible they are. Afterwards, we go to our car to find that the battery had died. While waiting for roadside assistance, we went back in to the venue and ended up meeting half of the band! They were all super nice, and Tyler (the drummer for THATH) offered to jump start our car. Unfortunately it was a zipcar and we had to wait for special assistance, but it was really great (and let's face it, really fucking cool) of him to offer. Charity hung out with us for a bit and was the nicest person ever. I have a lot of respect for musicians who take the time to talk to fans, I'm sure it can get annoying but we really appreciate it! After about 45 minutes roadside assistance finally came!

Sierra was SO HAPPY to get into the car, haha.

Overall, it was a great evening with amazing people, and a much needed break from the stress of school.

Speaking of! I have my last day of class (ever!) today, my thesis is due a week from today, and then I have two finals. That's it! I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and I couldn't be happier.

rivers and roads.

2011-04-23T08:37:00.000-07:00

For the second year in a row, I've utilized futureme.org to send myself a letter. It's a good way to look back at the past year and see how far (or not) I've come. It always seems to come at the right time and say just the right thing. Last night I couldn't sleep--I'm incredibly anxious about certain problems I can't seem to solve, so I was tossing and turning and waking up every couple of hours. I knew this letter was coming soon, but I had no idea what it would say. Waking up this morning to find it in my inbox was the perfect way to start today on a new page.

***

Dear Self,

It's April 23, 2010. It's been one month since I broke up with T, and one year since my life changed forever (re: http://becoming-a-bear.blogspot.com/2010/04/all-small-things.html). Yesterday was one of the best days of my life; class, the CalTV waterfight, Cheeseboard and gelato with Johnny, "Trainspotting" with Katie. Today I spent the day in my apartment writing my paper on "Harold and Maude." I hope it turns out well! I majorly dislike [two of] my roommates but I've only got a month of the crazy left to endure. Good riddance. Never, EVER be like them...ugh. Bad people, most definitely.

Coming to Berkeley was the best choice I ever made, and although it wasn't the easiest decision, it was the best. I'm happy! I have some of the greatest friends in the world, both in Berkeley and in LA, and the best family in the world.

I don't know what'll be happening a year from now. Law school? Film school? Self, follow your heart...it's never led you astray. It's crazy to think that by the time you'll be reading this, you'll be about to graduate college. GRADUATE. COLLEGE. Holy shit, that is INSANE. Good luck! And don't freak out, okay? Because you know everything falls into place, and growing up, although scary, is also fun :)

You're 21 now! Happy fucking birthday, lovely! I hope you're not a crazy partier/alcoholic...but I also hope that you go out and enjoy college life at its peak! You'd better not be spending all of your Friday nights in studying.

I hope the AA job is going well, and that your roommates are awesome.

I love you, self. I've been thinking about this for awhile. This year, I lost x pounds, and gained hella confidence. You are pretty and kind, and you are worth the world. Don't you dare date someone who thinks otherwise! And put yourself before anyone else, always always always.

Take care of yourself. Don't drink so much Diet Coke. Call your parents and tell them you love them. Watch "Reality Bites" again. Enjoy Berkeley while you can, because who knows where life will take you next.

Love,
Yourself

***

I guess this means it's been a year + a month since things ended with T; in all honesty, breaking up with him was one of my better ideas. A big part of last year was about learning how to fall out of love and moving on; it was difficult, but I'm so much better because of what I went through. Despite all the drama (which seemed to span the next six months), I managed to move past it all. The night I last spoke to him in November was my first night at trivia...when one door closes, a window opens? Or at least, there's a bar open where you'll meet your best friends and some of the coolest people in the world. Good enough for me.

I remember that day perfectly--it was one of the best I've ever had. I'm lucky enough to still have Katie and Johnny in my life--in fact, I hung out with both of them yesterday. They're two of the best people I've met in Berkeley and I love them both so much; I doubt I would have survived Berkeley without them. For the record, I haven't spoken to those awful roommates since moving out a year ago, other than the one who wasn't mean. Luckily, this year my roommates are a lot better :)

I still think that coming to Berkeley was the best decision I ever made. If I could do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing. It's going to be hard to leave because Berkeley feels like home, one that I've built for myself by myself. I have my regular patterns, places, and people, and to leave that is going to be jarring like no other.

A year from that letter, what's happening? Definitely not law school...possibly film school for a master's, but I haven't decided if that's what I want yet. Right now I'm looking forward to taking a short break before entering the real world. It wasn't an easy decision but I trust myself that it's the right one. I don't just want to continue on in school because I'm scared of not knowing what I want to do, that's dumb-instead, I'm taking the time to truly figure out what I want to do in my life. I'm still in shock that I'm graduating in less than a month (and I'll be done with school a week before I get to walk on stage at the Greek)--I can't believe how quickly my time at Cal is coming to an end. I'm lucky in that I get to stay here until mid-July, but after that I'm fairly certain that I'll be moving back to Los Angeles. As excited as I am about that, I'm really going to miss the Bay Area and I'm really going to miss a lot of the people who will still be up here. Can't win 'em all, I suppose. In any case, I'm at peace with the way things are going.

You'd better not be spending all of your Friday nights in studying. Haha, I've got to say that I love how well I know myself. Yesterday I was telling a friend how I felt guilty for going out on a Friday, and he was like, "it's a Friday night! in college! if you're studying, you're doing something wrong." The last few weeks, I've definitely been making a point to go out because it is my last semester in college with my friends-why not?

"...you are worth the world. Don't you dare date someone who thinks otherwise! And put yourself before anyone else, always always always." Wise words to remember, self.

***

It's only been a year since this letter was sent, and yet so many things have changed that it's unbelievable. Next year is one of transition and will undoubtably be full of adventures and surprises; I'm excited to watch it all play out and see what happens.

happy birthday, little bear!

2011-04-22T00:32:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe that two years ago today, I started this blog. I could not have predicted any of what has come to pass these past twenty-four months, and I am so grateful for all the good--and bad--things that have happened. I wouldn't be who I am today without it all. Two years ago, I didn't know where I'd be going. I was at a major crossroads in my life, unsure of what path to take. I chose Berkeley, and began a journey to which I'm slowly coming to an end. Today, I am a month away from graduating from my dream school and once again at a crossroads. It's somewhat scary, I suppose, but at the same time I'm exhilarated by the idea of the unknown.This post is definitely full of clichés, but they exist for a reason.

Happy birthday, little bear. Let's make this year one to remember.

sleepyhead.

2011-04-11T13:17:00.000-07:00

Best remix I've heard in awhile; it's Passion Pit's "Sleepyhead" with the Jackson 5's "I Want You Back." One of the few things adding little bit of sunshine to my ridiculous week!

Things to look forward to (if I survive this week):

WEDNESDAY
-Lecture on The Godfather (I'VE BEEN WAITING ALL SEMESTER FOR THIS)
-Trivia!

THURSDAY
-Turning in my paper on Blue Valentine

FRIDAY
-Turning in the rough draft of my thesis (!!!!)
-FLYING BACK TO LA FOR PASSOVER!

lost in my mind.

2011-04-09T13:57:00.001-07:00

As I delve deeper and deeper into my thesis (and the end of my college career!) I've come to find that blogging has become a fond memory. As much I want to keep you all updated with my witty stories and charming photographs (modest much?), I just don't have the time or the energy to keep up. Talking to one of my roommates today, we realized that we only have three weeks of class left...what the hell?! There's also Dead Week and Finals, but I'll essentially be done in three weeks and that's the most terrifying thing I've ever heard.

In any case, I'm currently sitting at FSM, attempting to force myself to focus and work on my thesis. Considering I'm currently updating my blog, I'd say I'm not being as successful as I should be at getting what I actually need to do done. Oops. As interesting as sharing, image management, and privacy are, especially in the context of the Internet, I'm ready to move on with my life. Never have I ever spent so much time engaged with one particular topic...and hey, it's been great, but come May 5 it's over, time to break up. I've also got a nasty little cold to deal with at the moment, as well as a paper for my Visual Communications class and a paper for my Race and Film class. Luckily the last two are on films of my choosing so at least they'll be interesting to research and write about, but I've never been so ready for a semester to be over.

Read the last sentence of the previous two paragraphs and notice how they contradict one another: terrified, yet ready to move on. That's pretty much my exact state of mind right now.

Enough procrastinating...back to the thesis. But, as reward for reading my barely coherent ramblings, here's some new music from The Head and the Heart! Since hearing them open for Stornoway in December, they've quickly become one of my favorite bands. I'm excited to go see them play in a couple of weeks with Katie and Sierra, an excellent way to spend one of the last nights of my senior year!

running, returning.

2011-03-28T09:53:00.000-07:00

Spring Break in five memorable pictures; I'll make a more detailed (and food centric!) post later this week.

My best friend Serena, who I've known since I was 5, came up to Berkeley to visit me! I got to take her to Bear's Lair :)

We decided to try a Guinness for St. Patrick's Day and discovered that we didn't like it, whoops.

Driving through the Grapevine the morning after it was closed for snow and black ice.

Entrance to the Contemporary/Modern Art building at LACMA.

I got to see two of my closest friends (and members of the West Wing Crew!) Marisa and Amelia.

Not pictured (by request) is my amazing family, who were the sole reason I came home, as well as my friend Kristina because I never seem to take pictures when we hang out. An excellent break indeed!

volume I.

2011-03-27T14:20:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd share some of the songs I'm currently listening to. As I sink deeper and deeper into the abyss known as writing a thesis, making playlists that motivate me to work and focus has become a fun (and semi-productive?) way to procrastinate. These nine songs are some of my favorites at the moment.

Also, if you have yet to take my survey, make sure and do it! Super easy and super important :) Thanks!

"Rivers and Roads" by the Head and the Heart

"Hiding My Heart" by Adele

"Naked As We Came" by Iron & Wine

"Helplessness Blues" by Fleet Foxes

"Airplanes" by Local Natives

"Ivory Road" by King Charles

"The First Days of Spring" by Noah and the Whale

"King of Spain" by The Tallest Man on Earth

"Rise To Me" by The Decemberists

cards & quarters.

2011-03-25T15:27:00.000-07:00

So much for a having a regular Monday post, eh? No worries though, it'll be back next week--this week was Spring Break (and quite possibly the last one of my life!) and so I wasn't online as much as I usually am. I spent the first half of the week in LA, after a weekend with my best friend and an adventurous drive down on Sunday. We left Berkeley around 5, and soon encountered snow, accidents, and flooding, leading us to spend the night in a cigarette and apple scented motel room in Bakersfield. My life! In any case, I got to LA safe and sound by Monday afternoon and proceeded to spend the next three days seeing some of my closest friends and family. It was much needed trip home, and I'm feeling recharged after some well-deserved rest. Hopefully I'll make a picture post soon, lots to share!

I'm back in Berkeley and hard at work on my thesis. I put up my survey today...if you have the time, please take it! I've got a lot to do and I'm running out of time...I can't believe that this semester is very quickly coming to an end.

here, there, and everywhere.

2011-03-14T23:04:00.000-07:00

Five things that make me happy!

Another Team Alice picture, but this one is at a Harry Potter themed party. The combination of two of my favorite things...what could be better??

I very much enjoy making silly faces at the camera. Just like many people, I've struggled with my self-confidence for years but I think I'm finally starting to love myself for who I am. I'm silly, slightly awkward, intelligent, decent looking, short, and awesome...all good things! It's okay to not always take myself--and life--so seriously. My life is a sitcom, so why fight it? Take yesterday, for example, when I slipped and fell on a bus. Could have started crying (it hurt! and I'm STILL sore), but instead started laughing. If my life is going to be a sitcom, then I'm going to enjoy having a laugh, even if it is at my expense a bit sometimes.

Oh god, Cheeseboard. Perhaps my favorite eatery in Berkeley and definitely my favorite pizza in the world, Cheeseboard makes quality vegetarian pizzas that are fresh, delicious, and creative. This pizza is roasted potatoes, caramelized onions, mozzarella and gruyere cheese, garlic oil, & fresh herbs. PERFECTION.

Katie (of the brilliant RedSaidBlog) is one of my best friends and I love spending time with her. So much laughter, so much love!

Not to brag, but this is the highest grade I've ever gotten on a paper at Berkeley. I never get solid A's, always B+'s or A-'s. So frustrating to almost get an A but not be good enough...but not this time! It's an amazing feeling to see my hard work (and lack of social life) paying off.

This week is my last week of classes before Spring Break, and although I've got a lot to get done, I'm super excited because my childhood best friend is coming up on Thursday! I haven't seen Serena since winter break and I'm stoked to be able to show her around Berkeley...and by show her around, I mean eat at all of my favorite places in Berkeley in one weekend. After she leaves on Sunday, I'm packing my bags and heading down to LA for a couple of days to see my lovely family and recoup; I'll be back on Wednesday and ready to work on my thesis for the rest of my break!

shaking my confidence daily.

2011-03-07T17:07:00.001-08:00

Feeling overwhelmed, so I'm going to copy one of my favorite bloggers (Emily of Cupcakes & Cashmere) and do a post about five things I currently love. I figured it would be a good way to keep me posting (at least once a week, every Monday) and also force me to look at five things in life that make me smile.

Wednesday night trivia with Team Alice! My friends and I all go to our favorite campus pub (the Bear's Lair) and play trivia every week. They are such an amazing group of women and even though we never win it's always the best part of my week. Also, the staff is incredible!

Cooking has somehow become the way that I relieve stress. This mac & cheese (which is this recipe for the actual mac & cheese and this one for the topping) was probably the best I've ever made. Amazing.

The Yoda that my friend Elek made out of tape is absolutely amazing, and it's definitely my favorite part of my room. Looking at it reminds me "do or do not, there is no try." Got it, Master Yoda!

Judge me if you want, but it gets me through the day...and with the amount of shit I have to get done everyday, it's necessary.

Right, I'm a nerd. Hope you don't mind. I love Harry Potter and when I have a spare minute (or I'm procrastinating) I'll pick up one of the books and read a couple of chapters to clear my mind. I'm definitely a Gryffindor for life :)

This is going to be a long week, but I think that looking at it one day at a time as well as looking at the good things around me will help me make it through. Also, listening to good music also helps, so here's the Local Natives doing a cover of Simon & Garfunkel's "Cecilia," enjoy! xo

we both go down together.

2011-02-19T16:09:00.000-08:00

I've noticed that as of late, I've become a lot pickier about what I want to post here. I don't want to post inane ramblings, or miscellaneous film reviews. I haven't posted pictures in awhile, mostly because I haven't really done anything worthy of documenting and I never have my camera with me anymore. I'm in an unusual state of mind, trying to finish strong at Cal and make a decent entrance into the so-called "real world." I'm so unsure of what I want and of where I'll be in the next few months that it's making it really hard to focus on the present.

School is stressful. Such a simple sentence for such a complicated statement! Last night, I came to the alarming realization that this weekend I was way behind on on work. I needed to write a 1 page response on the documentary "We Live in Public" (which I HIGHLY recommend watching if you get a chance, it's on Netflix Instant watch!), a 4-5 page analytical paper on an image and the cultural myth/ideologies it perpetuates (which is far, FAR more complicated than it sounds; I'm writing my paper on this image), a 4-5 page segment for my thesis on the methods I'm utilizing PLUS editing and re-writing my literature review (the first 10 pages of my thesis). I also had to watch The Jazz Singer, and this isn't taking into account the hundreds upon hundreds of pages of reading that I have yet to do, or the stuff I have to do for my Apartment Assistant job.

It's so funny to me when I hear people tell me that they think I have it "all together"...if that were the case, I wouldn't be freaking out right now! I guess it's best to appear put-together rather than frantic and mildly neurotic, but it's also frustrating that people don't believe me when I say I've got a lot on my plate; a double-edged sword indeed. It's stressful, but when I think of how far I've come, I start to feel better. I'm a transfer student and yet I've taken on so much; I'm actually really proud of myself, and when I think about that, it helps me calm down and focus. I've made a to-do list and a calendar of the weekend, trying to balance out my ridiculous amount of work with a pathetic attempt at a social life and I think that if I stick to it, I should be alright. I've been at FSM all day with Nick, one of my fellow AAs and I've already finished the 1 page response paper and outlined a lot of my 4-5 page image analysis, so hurray!

Also! This past Monday was Valentine's Day. It's a holiday I've never liked (reading through my old paper journal, I laughed when 13-year-old me complained about the commercialization of love~), but my friend Katie surprised me with tickets to go see The Decemberists at the Fox Theater in Oakland. It was without a doubt one of the BEST concerts I'd ever been to, and it was a necessary reminder to stop killing myself over school and live a little. When they played my favorite song ("The Engine Driver") I started crying; to finally hear a song that has helped me through so much played live, by the people who wrote it...that's a feeling unlike any other. They also married a couple on-stage (!!) and had a jam session...all in the middle of a song. It was, in a word, epic. Another word? Perfect. Another? Amazing. There are not enough good things to say about a band that I've loved since I was sixteen and has been with me through some of the most challenging and important moments of my life, and I'm so lucky to have been able to see them for a second time with such delightful company :)

Here's a video someone in the audience took of the very last song they played in their second (!) encore, "June Hymn." Enjoy!

blue valentine.

2011-02-01T13:17:00.000-08:00

Nothing lasts forever. We're born, we live, and we die. What happens after that, no one knows, and although we have no control over our birth or our death, we certainly have much to do with the quality of our lives while we're living. There's no such thing as "forever," at least in my mind, and that was one of my favorite parts of Blue Valentine--the acknowledgement of the idea that we live and love in the moment, but that's all we can do. We don't know what the future will hold, so how can we control it, or pretend to think that we know what will work 30 years from now? We don't, and we won't. I'm quickly learning that it's all about living in the moment. I know we all have our share of bad days, but it's about trying to see what we don't like and taking it upon ourselves to fix it. It's easy to let the negativity get to us, and much too easy to let it overwhelm us. I'm incredibly guilty of this, but I'm trying to fight back.

Today I was talking to my boss, complaining about the last few days. They'd been pretty shitty, to be honest--thesis-ing is stressful (as much as I love my topic, it's a bit daunting), and add lots of work, root canal recovery, hundreds of pages of complex reading, a 3 hour silent film about white supremacy (watched for a race & film class, mind you) and an unexpected break-up to the mix and you've got all the makings for disaster. "But you know," I said, "life goes on and all that jazz." My boss made a comment about admiring my positive attitude, and it caught me off-guard. Me, positive? When did that happen? The truth of the matter is, I was always a negative kid. It would drive my parents crazy how I would always find *something* to complain about or be upset about. But, reading through my past few blog posts and my own personal journal, I realize that I've made a complete 180 in terms of the way I look at the world. It's been a slow process, but all of the sudden I am finding the best in everything around me. Dumped unexpectedly? It sucks, definitely...BUT, I am super busy with my thesis/last semester of undergrad...and who wants to be tied down when I've got the world ahead of me? There's always a silver lining. It was what it was, and it was lovely while it lasted, but it's over and that's that. Time to move on, focus on my research, my future, and my life. My friend Morgan and I were discussing this over mimosas at La Note and decided that this is going to be known as "Fresh-Start February," a clean slate to start over with. As President Bartlet would say, "What's next?"

Speaking of my thesis, I'm writing it on the Internet, identity, and privacy--why do people post what they post, and how does this determine the image they want to give off to the world? Obviously, I don't have an answer yet, but in terms of myself, I've always found that writing is the most therapeutic way to deal with the world. The reason I post is that I hope that someone will read this and find that my words help them through a similar situation, or that they feel that they have an ally in the world, even if only on the Internet.

inconceivable!

2011-01-27T11:19:00.000-08:00

This semester is already turning out to be ridiculous.

As a transfer student who only gets two years at Cal, I definitely wanted to do everything possible to get as much as I could out of my college experience. Not to say I didn't get something out of my community college years--that was an experience in it of itself--but Berkeley was, and is, different. In any case, I immediately got involved in a variety of things, helping me avoid that period of homesickness that a lot of people experience once they move away to school. Though fall semester of 2009 was an adjustment period, it was the foundation for an amazing spring, summer, and fall of 2010. I went through a lot since I've been here--moving away, going somewhere in which I was completely alone with no one I knew around me, living with people I didn't know (and didn't particularly care for, for the most part), attending classes where the expectations and the stakes were tremendously high, my first serious relationship and first intense break-up, my first foray into the world of college partying (ha), meeting tons of new people, learning how to build friendships from the bottom up, learning how to trust people and let them in, growing up, working...it's a lot in a short amount of time.

In any case, the lack of time has led me to push myself more than a lot of people might have. This semester is already turning out to be ridiculously busy; despite the fact that I'm only taking two classes, I'm also writing an honors thesis (!), working as an Apartment Assistant, working as the advisor for the Apartment Association, and working front desk at Hillel. Attempting to maintain any sort of social life while all of this is going on is all sorts of impossible. I had to quit CalTV because I literally have no free time, and seeing my friends has become a fond memory. I'm torn--I don't want to waste my last semester of college in the library, but at the same, I don't want to waste my last semester at Berkeley screwing around, especially because I'm not sure if I'm even going to grad school right now. If this is my last semester in school ever, not only is that a terrifying thought but it's also motivation to push myself ridiculously hard. It's a fine line, and it appears that, at least for the moment, I've chosen academia over socializing. I have made a point to take Wednesday nights off--that's trivia night at the Bear's Lair, where my friends and I have been trivia regulars since last November. It's the highlight of my week, surrounded by friends and the coolest bar staff EVER, but then it's over and I go back to hitting the books. Other than that and the occasional movie/game night, I only get to see my friends when I study or eat with them. It kind of sucks, but hey, what can I do?

I can't believe I'm graduating in a matter of weeks. I can't believe that on May 5, I'll have completed a thesis (on the internet, identity, and privacy...it's going to be AWESOME). I'm currently job hunting, and although I'd love to stay in the Bay Area, I might be moving back to LA. I'm in shock, honestly.

Also, this is tangental but I can't believe I'm having an emergency root canal today, haha. I don't have time for this!

Ridiculous.

january hymn.

2011-01-20T21:19:00.001-08:00

Dear 2011,

I know we've only just met, but I've got a few things to say to you. I knew you were coming--who didn't?--and i'd like to say I was ready and prepared to meet you. To be honest, I was scared of you. I know that with your appearance would come an overwhelming number of changes in my life, many of which I'd like to think I will meet head-on. I will be graduating from Berkeley (!) in May and moving on into the real world. I'll be looking for jobs and thinking about applying to graduate school--I'll have to grow up. In that sense, I was dreading meeting you, because it would mean the end of an era.

But you, you had some tricks up your sleeve. Though it's only the 20th, so much has happened! Something clicked, and I cannot even try to explain what it was but all of the sudden I was no longer scared of what you had to offer. I was all of the sudden excited, and for the first time in my life, really appreciative of trying to enjoy every moment possible. I've made a point of writing at least a couple of sentences about my day every day (or more, if I've got the time) and it's one of the best decisions I've made. Last semester, I realized I needed to think more positively and try to find the silver lining. Now, it's time to enjoy the little things--the sunshine on my face, a smile shared by friends, a recipe gone inexplicably well, a memory that makes me laugh, a glass of wine after a long day--the details are what matters now.

This year has been off to such a good start. It hasn't been easy as you've already provided a plethora of difficult situations, but I've made it through smiling. Here's to the start of an excellent friendship.

Love,
Andrea

fuel up.

2011-01-01T23:33:00.000-08:00

For me, there's no better feeling than that of writing in a brand new Moleskine planner, in which the metaphor of starting the year on a new page comes to life. Ridiculously cheesy, I know, but I've always liked the idea of starting anew, and there's no better way to do that than with a new planner for a new year!

This past year was a hard one, with some of the highest and lowest points thus far. 2011 is a big year--graduating college, figuring out what to do post-college, possibly (unfortunately) leaving Berkeley, maybe moving back to Los Angeles, adjusting to possibly moving back home for a bit, etc. There's a lot I'm looking forward to, and a lot I'm dreading, but I'm certain that this will be a year to remember, and if I have anything to do with it, there's going to be a hell of a lot more good memories than bad ones.

I have a feeling that 2011 is going to be a good one, full of love, music, memories, papers, introspection, family, transition, sunshine, adventures, good food, friends, research, kindness, happiness, and change.

Happy New Year, readers!

so fuel up your mind and fire up your heart and drive on
drive on, drive on...
and when your days are darker put your foot down harder,
drive on, drive on.

tangled up in blue.

2010-12-26T01:18:00.000-08:00

I needed to do something fun, something different, something to remind to stop taking everything so seriously all the time.

I mean...why not?

home sweet home.

2010-12-19T19:19:00.000-08:00

I made a pizza with my mom! Sun-dried tomato pesto, olives, artichoke hearts, goat cheese, parmesan, and fresh basil! We also made the dough from scratch...one of the best pizzas I've ever made/eaten.

Break has been good so far, except that I've been sick the entire time. I think my body doesn't understand this whole "relaxation" concept. I've watched a ridiculous amount of movies--Inception, The Wizard of Oz, Beauty and the Beast, Black Swan, part of Zombieland and now Ponyo. Even though I haven't gone out all that much, it's nice to be home.

a day in the life.

2010-12-13T16:07:00.000-08:00

december 5, 2010.

wake up late, it's a lazy sunday.

sleepyhead.

weather.

november playlist.

cloudy day in berkeley.

run into the lovely director of caltv cinematography, myles.

i find my friends by the BART station!

we go to the sunnyside cafe, one of the best breakfast places in berkeley.

PANCAKES. so effing good.

johnny shows up, "i'm still drunk!"

we stay there for about four hours, just talking and catching up and attempting to avoid the rain. i start to play with my food.

we go next door for cinnamon rolls, i'm too full but chin & johnny share this blueberry pie cinnamon roll.

it starts POURING on the way home.

get home, get in bed, and start reading on my kindle.

then, i get stuff out to make latkes.

they turn out AMAZING, my mom's recipe is flawless.

i light the hanukiah with my friend hillary, in cal colors of course.

afterwards, i go to see "love & other drugs" with katie, johnny, & doug. the theater is empty for the most part, though a few people shuffle in at the last minute.

laughter ♥

****

Life is good. Currently in the midst of finals but they're almost over and then I'll be back in Los Angeles for about a month! I can't wait. This semester has been the most difficult of my life--two jobs, school full-time, plenty of drama, important life decisions/changes, etc., but I made it through. I became a regular at a bar (one of the best decisions I've ever made, seriously, I've met some amazing people there), continued to reign supreme at board games, discovered an unparalleled love of whiskey, went to a lot of concerts (best of which was Band of Horses, where we stood in the very front at the Greek and listened to them under the stars), wrote a million papers, started planning my thesis...I grew up a lot this semester. I finally put the past behind me and really started to focus on the future, whatever that may be. I've got my health, my family, my education and my friends...don't need anything else.

the good that won't come out.

2010-11-13T00:47:00.000-08:00

Today I woke up late and got to work 30 minutes after I was supposed to. Work was okay, and despite an unusual number of phone calls to the front desk I was able to get a lot of homework done. As soon as I got off, I ran to interview an informant for a paper on suburban families. She was late so I began to worry; however, she finally showed up and the interview went extraordinarily well. Afterward, I finally had the chance to go home for a minute and just sit. I took a quick shower and then went to go take one of my best friends from community college out for a birthday dinner. It's a unique experience, what we went through, and it helped to create a bond that I'm pretty sure will be there forever. In any case, it was SO good seeing her and another friend from our CC and eating Cheeseboard--the pizza today was roasted leeks with sweet chard, fontina and mozzarella cheeses, citrus zest and garlic olive oil, in case you were wondering. After an absolutely hectic week, it was exactly what I needed--especially considering how crazy busy this weekend is going to be. It's hard to find people you can be completely at ease with, in which you can be yourself without any limits and not worry about being judged.

Afterward, I went home and watched an episode of Mad Men, and once I was done I realized I was completely alone--neither of my roommates were home, and all of a sudden I was left alone with my thoughts. I was completely overwhelmed; I've been so frustrated all week but so busy that I didn't even have time to process or deal with how upset I was. The second I cleared my mind of papers, work and stress in an attempt to relax, the negativity seeped in. Everything that I had pushed back came rushing forward, and it was everything I could do to not burst out in tears. It's unnecessary to detail all of what I was thinking about, but I quickly realized that a lot of it was, for lack of a better term, petty bullshit. That's when I made a decision.

I'm done with letting the little things get me down. I'm done with having any sort of negative personalities around me. I'm done with playing stupid games and I'm done wasting my time on people who aren't worth it. I am at Berkeley, at my dream school, and I've only got a month left in this semester and then one more before I graduate and enter the real world. I worked so hard--harder than most people realize--to get where I am today and I'm not going to waste a single second of it worrying about stupid things that I cannot change. I'm a junior transfer and on top of going to school full-time I have two part-time jobs. Quite frankly, I'm too busy to waste time letting bullshit get to me; if I'm not getting something out of what I'm spending my time on, I'm cutting it out of my life.

I'm going to do my best and work my hardest and that's all I can do. I'm going to write the best papers I can and if I don't get an A, then fuck it, whatever! Life is too short to worry about grades that won't matter ten years down the line and life is too short to spend it crying about past regrets. No one knows how long they have to live, so I'm not going to throw away a single second. I'm going to work hard and play harder, because I know that I'll only be young for so long and I don't want to waste my best years. I'm going to enjoy every moment of every day and take every chance that comes my way because I don't want to look back and regret anything. Though I'm looking ahead, I'm done attempting to have a set plan, because let's face it, that's not how life works. I'm going to go with the flow and just live.

Maude said it best, "*Reach* out. Take a *chance*. Get *hurt* even. But play as well as you can. Go team, go! Give me an L. Give me an I. Give me a V. Give me an E. L-I-V-E. LIVE!"

That's exactly what I'm going to do.

feel the tide.

2010-10-24T22:59:00.000-07:00

Don't mistake coincidence for fate.--Mr. Eko, LOST

But, Mr. Eko, how can you tell the difference? I can't tell anymore.

***

Last Wednesday I went with my friend Katie (of the excellent music blog Red Said) and a couple of other girls to see Mumford & Sons play at the Warfield in San Francisco. It was an amazing show, beginning with the ridiculous(ly talented) King Charles and Mt. Desolation as the opening acts. I'd like to use this opportunity to propose to the bassist of Mt. Desolation as he is the finest man I've ever laid eyes on, but I doubt he'd ever read my blog. Mr. John-William Scott...the offer stands. Anyways, M&S were amazing, as expected, and it was such a fun show. Every song hits an emotional chord with me (honestly, I'd like to think that "Little Lion Man" was secretly written by a certain ex with me in mind, but hey, that's probably not the case) but I've got to say that "Feel The Tide" was the one song that really hit close to home. I haven't been able to stop listening to it since.

It's been raining all weekend and I love it. It's days like today that I can't believe that I'm graduating in less than seven months. On the one hand, I want the next few months to slow down but on the other hand I don't know how much longer I can deal with everything. I need to slow down. Breathe.

but you and I now, we can be alright,
just hold on to what we know is true.
you and I now, ‘though it’s cold inside,
feel the tide turning

2010-10-22T16:40:00.001-07:00

Officially 21 and officially graduating from Berkeley on May 20, 2011. I guess this means I'm growing up...?

the general specific.

2010-10-01T19:00:00.000-07:00

It has been over a month since I've updated; though I could offer a million valid excuses, I'll just hang my head and apologize as sincerely as possible. I've sat down to write several times, but every time I do I'll stare at the empty white space and forget whatever it was that seemed so important to talk about. It's one of the worst cases of writer's block I've ever had, unable to write truth or fiction. My screenplay, written and visualized in my head, has been trapped; my memories and stories all seem trivial, so I push them aside to make room for something else. All of my energy towards writing has been going towards my schoolwork, and even then it's hard figuring out what I want to say. In any case, I hope to return to regular updates, though I doubt that anyone reads this other than myself and my mother.

This past month has been absolutely hectic, wonderful, awful, heartbreaking, eye-opening, amazing, chaotic, and stressful. Making the decision to take a year off once I graduate in May to figure out what I want to do with my life was one of the best, at least so far; it's one less thing to worry about right now, and with everything I've got going on--three upper-division classes, one class that I'm teaching with my friend, two jobs, clubs, and friends--one less thing to worry about is the best feeling in the world. I don't have much time to dedicate to studying for a standardized exam or working on applications, and so to not have to worry about that right now is definitely a relief. However, I'm definitely being a lot harder on myself in terms of academics; my goal is a 4.0 and I'm working with my advisor to write my honors thesis in the spring. I'm currently studying suburban families in contemporary American sitcoms for my research methods class and currently working on a content analysis, and writing a paper on gender roles in The Godfather for my Gender & Media class. As busy as I am, I love absolutely everything I'm learning and I'm trying to soak in as much as possible while I'm still at Cal.

There's also a summer internship at the Berkman Center for Internet & Society at Harvard that I am DYING to apply for; though my first love will always be screenwriting, I'd definitely argue that my interest is in the internet and the way people utilize it is no passing fancy. It's something that has always intrigued me, and something that still remains a vastly unexplored field, meaning that there's definitely a lot of groundbreaking research to be done. It's something that affects me personally, as well as something that affects absolutely everyone I know...what could be more interesting?! In any case, it's an idea of a possible career path and hopefully applying for and getting an internship would allow me to see if it's something I'd want to pursue more.

My job as an Apartment Assistant is good. I can't go into specifics, due to confidentiality and respect for my residents and my staff, but I can say that although it's a hell of a lot more demanding than I ever imagined, it's also a lot more rewarding that I thought possible. It's crazy but I love it, and I'm really glad I get the opportunity to do this job.

Life is pretty good. Sarah came up last weekend and we saw Band of Horses perform at the Greek in Berkeley! Definitely one of the best concerts I've ever seen; we were in the front row and it was absolutely perfect. Despite being so busy that I had to miss Hardly Strictly Bluegrass in order to try and get some work done, last night I went to go see Going the Distance and The Social Network. Both were excellent, and despite being able to clearly relate them to points I'm learning in class it was a nice mental break. Now it's time to buckle down and work, especially since my 21st birthday is on Monday!

unbelievable.

2010-08-26T00:33:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I officially decided to cancel the October LSAT I had signed up for and take a year off of school once I graduate. Today, I ran around Berkeley running errands and writing my speech for my not-so-little brother's Bar Mitzvah. Tomorrow, I start my senior year of college.

no sense of time.

2010-08-21T22:56:00.001-07:00

So much has happened...RA training is done and over with and I'm five days away from beginning my senior year of college. I've finally done an original trilogy Star Wars marathon and I'm almost done with Scorsese on Scorsese. I'm working on my speech for my little brother's Bar Mitzvah (which is less than a week away) and prepping work for my DeCal. I've made a bajillion new friends while managing to feel lonely, and I continue to realize that I have no idea what I want to do with my life.

Growing up is fun, isn't it?

i've forgotten what it feels like to feel normal.

2010-08-12T19:53:00.000-07:00

I have many, many pictures to post and I'll do so in due time, but for now, here's one of the door decorations/name tags I made for my residents :)

It's been awhile since I've updated, and with good reason! I got back from LA, enjoyed my last week of summer, and am currently in the midst of R.A. training. It's definitely an intense experience but I'm surrounded by an amazing staff and I'm learning a lot.

Fall is rapidly approaching, and it's terrifying. Two weeks from today I'll be starting my senior year of college and I honestly can't believe it...such a surreal thought. I'm excited, but nervous; I've got a lot on my plate this fall (4 classes, teaching an additional class, RA job, front desk job, and CalTV) so I'm a bit worried, but I also think that having so much will ~~help me~~ force me to focus. We'll see! I'm optimistic.

do you believe in magic?

2010-07-30T11:42:00.000-07:00

I'm in Los Angeles for the week, taking care of my brother. It's been an odd week; my parents aren't home, so I'm the grown-up making sure everything gets taken care of. I've seen some friends but not very many, though that's my fault on account of bad planning. However, on Wednesday I went to Disneyland with Sarah, Serena, and Marie and it was one of the best trips to Disneyland I've ever had. Sixteen hours of fun, food, laughter, and ~magic~...it was a perfect day, and a reminder of how lucky I am to be surrounded by some of the best people I've ever met.

i found a reason.

2010-07-17T00:25:00.000-07:00

what comes is better than what came before

Whenever I'm feeling sad, this is one of the first songs I put on. It's such a comforting song and I find that it fits a variety of moods and situations. It's very different from the original Velvet Underground song, yet it's still one of my favorite covers of all time.

turn and face the strange.

2010-07-14T00:57:00.000-07:00

First of all, check out the new header, layout, and "About Me" page! It's about time I make some changes, both blog-wise and life-wise.

I'm figuring out what I want to do after college, and the realization I came to the other day was that I'm still not sure. Law school seemed like a great option, and I'm genuinely interested in it, but at the end of the day I'm not convinced that it's my path. I'm doing a lot of research into graduate programs and so far they seem like a better fit than law school. I haven't made any official decisions yet, but I'm weighing my options and trying to figure out what fits best. That's what growing up is, I think, the ability to make choices and figure out what's best for oneself. All I want is to be happy, and I think finding a career that won't make me hate my life will go a long way towards that. Right now, it's just a matter of finding out what that career will be.

free fallin'.

2010-07-11T00:46:00.000-07:00

The only way to describe how I'm feeling at this moment is to think of Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire when he's just made a deal and he's driving on the freeway and "Free Fallin'" by Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers comes on. I've just had an epiphany of sorts and I think I know what I want to do next year (or rather, what I don't want to do) and I'm excited that I'm not totally lost. At least, that's how I feel right now :)

The scene, for reference:

The original song, for those who haven't heard it all the way through:

And the John Mayer cover of the song, which despite ridicule from my best friend is one of my favorite songs/covers:

ode to LRC.

2010-07-10T01:13:00.001-07:00

Band of Horses from Black Cab Sessions on Vimeo.

I can't wait to see Band of Horses on September 24 with Sarah :) 75 days!

nobody knows the trouble i've seen.

2010-07-07T00:57:00.000-07:00

Today I went to the San Francisco Musuem of Modern Art with my friend.

Last week I couldn't get out of bed; this week all I want to do is walk around cities I've yet to explore. The common denominator would be that both allow me the opportunity to stop and think about what I want to do with my life...writing or law, law or writing? I still don't know, and I can't help but feel as if my time is running out. I'm honestly torn, and I'm no closer to making a decision today than I was six months ago. One night I have a revelation and decide "Screw school! I want to write!" only to find myself researching law programs twenty minutes later, and then looking at graduate film programs an hour after that. Indecision is a bitch, and I'm tired of stressing out about this. A sign from the universe would be appreciated!

even artichokes have hearts!

2010-07-05T18:04:00.000-07:00

Saturday I used this recipe to make spinach-artichoke calzones. They came out, in a word, amazing.

Ingredients.

Mix of the first seven ingredients.

About to go into the oven!

Watch one of my favorite episodes of The West Wing while the calzones are in the oven.

DONE.

blame it on the bossa nova.

2010-07-02T23:57:00.000-07:00

Summer is going well. I've had the apartment to myself for the past two weeks, and as much as it's fun pretending that I have my own place I'm excited for my housemates to get back. Lately I've been enjoying just being by myself; I've come to realize that there really are a very, very small number of people I can depend on, so why bother? A cynical view, I'm sure, but the truth of the matter is that as you grow up, people fall by the wayside. The more attached you are, the more it hurts when relationships disintegrate. I've always been the one to throw myself into friendships and relationships 110% and very rarely is it ever equally reciprocated. I'm done wearing my heart on my sleeve and I'm done always being available for people. Why should I be there if they're not there for me? This is one of those things I've learned while growing up; not an easy lesson but an important one.

Anyways...summer is good. Enjoying my solitude, trying out a lot of new recipes, exploring San Francisco, walking around Berkeley, working out, writing (despite this article, becoming a screenwriter is still my dream), helping to plan my baby brother's bar mitzvah (as he's soon to be a man!), etc etc. Oh, and studying for the LSAT once more, as I've decided that I want to take it again to see how I'll do a second time around. It's uninteresting perhaps, but it's simple life and I'm fairly content. Especially considering that this fall is going to be really busy, I'm glad that I have the time to cook and watch The West Wing all day. What more could I ask for?

And with that, I leave you with one of my favorite West Wing moments of season 2.

steady as she goes.

2010-06-28T18:36:00.000-07:00

I apologize for the lack of posts lately. The last couple of weeks have been interesting, to say the least, and yet for some reason whenever I would sit down to try and document them I would find myself unable to come up with anything to say. I've had a lot happen and I'm quickly coming to terms with the idea that I only have a year of college left and a lot of important decisions to make in regards to my future...but more on that another day. This past weekend was about taking a break from all that growing up stuff and relaxing, which meant working out, movie marathoning, shopping, a sleepover with one of my best friends from high school and skyping with the family.

What more does anyone need in life other than a pint of good coffee ice cream?

Only some of the movies I've seen the last few days; I also watched Manhattan and Singles.

Working on the class that my friend Nadine and I are teaching in the fall. It's going to be really great, and I'm excited to have the opportunity to teach!

Summer means hats, stripes, and funny faces!

and, here's some Jack White (in The Raconteurs) for your time.

the land of milk and honey.

2010-06-23T13:43:00.000-07:00

I'm finally taking the time to post some pictures from Israel. I could sit back and caption everything, but I believe a lot of the photographs speak for themselves. It's not necessary to know where each shot is taken, nor is it important to tell the world what each photograph reminds me of. And quite honestly, I wouldn't know what to say. Going to Israel was an experience unlike any other, and I cannot begin to describe everything that I saw, experienced, felt, and thought. It's an opportunity that I feel privileged to have received, and though many others have gone on similar trips, it was unique based on the people I went with. I made some amazing friends, some of which I expect will be present in my life for years to come. Also, I feel that I should note that these were all taken on my Casio Exilim, as opposed to my usual pictures (which are either from my Canon Rebel xti or Photobooth) and none of the photos have been edited at all.

♥

paranoid android.

2010-06-14T00:24:00.000-07:00

This blog began as a place to document my experience as a transfer student, and quickly became a place to catalog my Berkeley experience as a whole. I'm afraid that it's gotten too personal, and that one day the words I've written, or have refused to write, will come back to haunt me. It was impossible to write an honest account of everything because I didn't want to write things that were hurtful about anyone, and quite frankly, not everyone I encountered in the past year helped make my junior year memorable. Instead, I chose to gloss over or not even mention some of the difficulties I went through last year, because again, I didn't want to hurt anyone...not that they cared if what they were doing was hurting me. Regardless, it wasn't a full and honest account of what I went through, and yet, I feel as though I've still managed to put too much of myself into this blog. However, I don't know any other way to write, other than to say what I think and feel...I guess I need to start looking for a middle ground. No drastic changes to come as of now, but just something I had been thinking about for awhile.

blackbird.

2010-06-09T01:20:00.000-07:00

Lately, I can't sleep. I brush my teeth, turn off my computer and the lights, play a game of solitaire and attempt to fall asleep. For the last couple of weeks, it's failed. I've tried everything, from hot tea to soothing music, and none of it has been working. For some reason or another, I have too much on my mind to be able to rest, and the last couple of nights I've had a variety of strange dreams when I DO manage to fall asleep. Last night was ridiculous; after the LSAT I got home, ate dinner, watched a couple of episodes of Buffy and attempted to go to bed at 11:00pm, only to be awake until 4:00am. When I did fall asleep, I managed to have one of the most upsetting dreams in recent history; needless to say, I didn't feel very rested when I woke up this morning. I honestly don't know why I'm so stressed; I'm done with the LSAT and despite having tons to do for my AA job, I have a lot of free time now! Time to sleep, read, write, eat, cook, photograph, explore, enjoy...so why am I feeling so anxious? Gah. Hopefully this is just a phase.

Other than that, things are pretty damn good. My first program is on Saturday (watching the USA v. England game!), so I have to put that together but I'm really excited about it. And, a week from Thursday, my mom and brother will be up in Berkeley, and I'm so excited to see them! It's been too long and I really miss spending time with them. I'm excited that it's FINALLY summer and that I can take the time to really take care of and nurture myself. It's time for me to stop looking back at this past year, as amazing as it was, and start applying more time to thinking about not only the future, but the present as well. Life is good, and it's time to enjoy it!

LSAT free is the way to be!

2010-06-07T20:59:00.000-07:00

I took the LSAT today and now, it's officially summer!

Real update to come, I promise :)

it won't be long.

2010-06-04T18:13:00.000-07:00

I made pizza yesterday!

On the left is my favorite goat cheese & sundried tomato pizza (recipe here!) and on the right is a pizza margarita (inspired by this recipe).

Not only was it delicious, but it was really pretty!

Needless to say, I was pretty pleased with the results.

***

The LSAT is on Monday and I've got to admit, I am feeling a bit better about the exam. I still have studying left to do, but I'm feeling confident that if I stay calm and focus I can do really well. I can't WAIT for it to be Monday afternoon so I can start my summer!

breathe.

2010-05-30T19:32:00.000-07:00

This is me, all day every day, either studying or watching tv:

Finally mine:

I feel as though I can't study anymore. The LSAT is a week from tomorrow and I'm not where I want to be and yet I am stumped, unfocused, and frustrated. I keep studying but it still doesn't come naturally to me, and so now I just feel that I'm not getting anything out of the hours spent prepping and why should I waste my time? Gah! Hopefully I'll get out of this funk by tomorrow; I need to get re-energized so that I can focus and show this exam who's boss. I'm just in a slump with everything, and I need to snap out of it. I don't know why I'm feeling like this, I've got a lot coming up: eight days until I'm done with the LSAT (hopefully), eighteen days until my mom and brother are here, two months until I (hopefully) go home for a week, three months until my brother's bar mitzvah and school starts again and all my friends are back in Berkeley, four months until Band of Horses plays in Berkeley and five months until I'm twenty-one. So much to look forward to, but today I'm going to settle in with the Bartlet administration and forget about the real world for a little bit.

the west wing.

2010-05-29T15:12:00.000-07:00

I bought myself an actual present for doing really well this semester; The West Wing: The Complete Series box set! I got an amazing deal on Amazon and I think it was an excellent use of my last paycheck of the semester. I'm watching in-between doing practice LSAT sections, and it's encouraging me to study more so I can go to law school like Josh Lyman! Just kidding...it actually makes me think of how I want to write for television more than anything in the world. I don't want to grow up because I don't know what I'm supposed to do yet! I guess I'll just get through the LSAT and go from there...still, it's starting to get really frustrating being torn between two really different career paths.

northwest apartment.

2010-05-28T20:48:00.000-07:00

My new apartment is amazing. Because I'm the Apartment Assistant (or AA, which is the same as an RA) I get my own room and my own bathroom! I share a kitchen and a living room with two other girls who are absolutely lovely. Here's a quick peek into my new digs!

Not pictured are the common areas, my private bathroom, and the view from my window of the Campanile! Obviously, it's much larger and nicer than the typical dorm room, and even a step up from the apartment I lived in last year. I didn't realize how little space I had in my last apartment until I moved into my new place! It's so comfortable, and I think that if I stay as organized as I am right now it's going to be a really great place to get work done. I'm really excited to be living here, and to live with awesome people, and to be an AA. Here's to a good year!

shine a light.

2010-05-24T14:33:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile since I've updated, and I'd love to say it's because I've been out enjoying summer but that would be a total lie. Basically, all I've been doing is studying for the LSAT and catching up on tv...I've watched the entire sixth season of Grey's Anatomy and the first two seasons of Skins so far. Pathetic? I guess. But you've got to remember, I haven't had time off in ages, and I can only do logic games for so many hours at a time. And, since it was the first week of summer, and the only week before summer school started, pretty much everyone went home, leaving Berkeley a ghost town, and so it was a good week to stay in. In any case, I've studied a lot, I've made a huge dent in my "must-watch" list, and I've started to catch up on my sleep, so hurray!

However, that doesn't mean I didn't go out at all...! I went out to brunch with Morgan last Wednesday and spent the day in San Francisco with Misha yesterday.

Morgan's breakfast.

My breakfast! My obsession with french toast is getting slightly out of control; I've come to the conclusion that it's one of the best meals for college students (easy, delicious, cheap, and nutritious) and so I've been making it a lot more frequently. However, this cinnamon brioche french toast blows mine out of the water by far.

And on to San Francisco! First stop, the piers outside the Ferry building. That's the Bay Bridge!

I don't even know what this is, but it's awesome. Located in Ferry Park.

Close-up.

SO! Fun story. We were in Ferry Park, walking around, and we see that there's a production of Peter Pan occuring. We approach the ticket booth to see how much the cheapest tickets are, when we're approached by a lady selling her tickets and we end up spending $20.00 each on seats that were originally $125.00! Not only that, but their location was perfect, we got free drinks, programs, and audiobooks, AND the show was super cool. One of the best spontaneous decisions I've made in awhile!

One of the best deals, ever.

Programs!

This was the Lost Boys home on the stage. The set was amazing...I didn't really get any good pictures of it.

Luckily, there was a picture in the program!

After the play we walked through the city.

I love love love living next to a big city. The buildings are so impressive!

Cool lion in Chinatown.

Chinatown.

We found a Banksy!

Nothing like bad grammar to make me smile, haha.

Their intention was noble, but their execution was questionable.

Another Banksy!

We went to this record store in North Beach that was ridiculously awesome. I really wish I had a record player because their selection was amazing, gahhh.

I ended up getting these posters to decorate my apartment next year, and one for my brother. I'll give it to him when he comes up with my mom to visit at the end of June, hurray!

I really love walking around San Francisco...so much to see and discover. I want to try and spend a lot of time there this summer, if possible.

After a long day exploring, I got back to Berkeley in time to watch the LOST finale! I know I've never really written about it, but it's one of my favorite television shows (coming in second after The West Wing), and so I wore my LOST shirt proudly. After sleeping on it, I've come to the conclusion that was an amazing finale to a brilliant show, and I'm really content.

My nail polish collection! I realized that I have most of the rainbow...and a new addiction? Ahhhhh.

This is relevant only because I bought a new color ("Suzi Skis in the Pyrenees"), which is a dark charcoal gray, to celebrate me getting STRAIGHT A's this semester!

Anyways, things are good. The LSAT is challenging but it's keeping me busy. I'm catching up on a lot of unwatched television, which is relaxing, and I actually bought a novel to read for fun. I'm also trying to work on a script that I've been writing this past year...I don't have that much done, but the ideas are all there. I really want to bring it to life, and for the first time in a year I finally have time to just sit down and write; hopefully something good will come of it. And! I just found out that I get to move this Wednesday (instead of after the LSAT) which makes me ridiculously happy, and today my mom scheduled a trip up in which she and my brother will come visit me for the first time! I'm so excited to see them because I miss them SO MUCH. I miss my dad too, but he's busy working, sadly. Hopefully I'll go home in July for a bit, but I have to talk to my boss about it first. As for now, time to go back to my LSAT lesson book...the exam is two weeks from today! Time flies by so quickly, it's ridiculous.

i'll be there for you.

2010-05-16T00:01:00.000-07:00

We go to college to learn, to better ourselves, to meet new people, to grow up and learn to stand on our own two feet.

My first semester at Cal was about assimilating to Berkeley, learning to live on my own and take care of myself. I was trying to figure out the pace of this school, and trying to figure out what I wanted out of my time here. And really, just trying to take the time away from home to find myself. I grew up a lot during fall, but something was missing.

This semester, I found what the fall was lacking--amazing friends. People I could call at two in the morning if I needed something, people who could understand what I was thinking just by looking at me. Friends who could finish my sentences and who would stand up for me if I ever needed. I had friends my first semester, but not like the ones I have now. The four people in the photos above--Katie, Johnny, Sam, and Morgan--they're four people who I can say with full certainty have changed my life, and I just wanted to put it out in the universe that these are four of the most wonderful, amazing, creative, kind individuals I've ever had the honor to meet. Katie and Johnny are CalTV folk, and I met Morgan and Sam on Birthright. Two of the most significant parts of my Berkeley experience, and I have come out of them so much better because of the people I met through them. They have been the best friends I could have ever asked for, and they became my family away from home. From drinking boba to cafe hopping, to exploring Berkeley's finest eateries, most of my best memories in Berkeley have come from having these friends this semester. Honestly, it's hard to remember what Cal was like before having all of these crazy kids in my life...but I can say that life at Berkeley would definitely not be as amazing without them.

school's out for summer!

2010-05-12T23:27:00.001-07:00

Today was the longest day I've had in a long time: waking up early to study, my last final of the semester, a quick trip to San Francisco for an internship interview, back to campus to finish my LSAT reading and catch up with Katie, LSAT prep class for three and a half hours, and finally getting home, only to eat some of the sourdough bread I got in SF (see: picture above) and catch up on How I Met Your Mother. Ridiculous day, but it was really productive. Even though I'm exhausted, I'm content.

I just finished my first year at Berkeley, and my junior year of college. Holy shit.

Hello, summer!

strawberry fields forever.

2010-05-08T22:02:00.000-07:00

I hate finals. They're stressful and mean. As a result, I've been having a pretty lame couple of days...I promise updates will be more interesting once I'm done with these silly exams. Until then, here are some pictures of food that I have consumed within the last couple of days. It's pretty sad when the highlight of your day is eating but eh, what can you do? It's finals week!

Is there anything better than enjoying the sunshine on campus with some boba?

Strawberry Shortcake from Bakesale Betty...absolutely AMAZING.

The strawberries were fresh and sweet, and the whipped cream was homemade.

Oh, you wanted a close-up? Here you go.

Cheeseboard, again. The pizza of the day was Roma tomatoes, onions, mozzarella and feta
cheese, garlic olive oil, lemon zest, lemon juice, & cilantro.

no surprises.

2010-05-06T22:32:00.000-07:00

It's wonderful leaving a paper to the last minute, especially thinking that it'd be an easy 5-7 pages, only to find out that you need to write 8-10 pages. Having to come with 8-10 pages of words when I feel as though I have nothing to say is just about the most daunting feeling in the world.

Ugh.

This paper is due in about 13 hours. Go, go, go!

***

Additionally, happy 21st birthday to my best friend, Sarah! Love you boo ♥

***

Enjoy this acapella version of Natalie Imbruglia's "Torn" here.

Off to work!

house of cards.

2010-05-05T23:29:00.000-07:00

Finals aren't that bad this semester. However, that didn't stop me from getting a (large) vanilla latte so I could attempt to work on the 5-7 page paper final for my Atomic Age class that's due on Friday that I haven't started...even though I haven't had actual coffee to drink in months. Oops. Except that I'm not as awake as I need to be, and so I'm going to bed as soon as the clock strikes midnight and I wish my best friend a happy 21st birthday.

I'm totally in love with this shirt, by the way. Not only does it remind me of the 80s in the best way possible, I got it for super cheap at the Gap. Hooray for sales!

Actually...now that I think about it, I actually have a lot to do, and should thus be worried. Crap.

Finals checklist as of today:
*~~Presentation for Residential Leadership Seminar~~ DONE!
*5-7 page final paper for Atomic Age class, due Friday
*Take-home final for Journalism class, due Monday
*Study for First Amendment and the Press final, test next Wednesday

That doesn't sound too bad...except that next Tuesday, I start my LSAT class! It's going to be intense. I'm kind of dreading it/kind of looking forward to it. I got an email that my books had shipped, they should get here by Saturday...and that they weigh 13 pounds. THIRTEEN POUNDS WORTH OF STUDYING?! oh goodness. Not to mention that I have the pressure of having to actually do well/care about all my finals. LAME. I just want to go sleep on Memorial Glade...is that too much to ask for?

I'm falling asleep. I just drank an entire large vanilla latte and I'm falling asleep. This is ridiculous. Finals are ridiculous. This semester has been ridiculous...ridiculously AWESOME.

I clearly don't know what I'm saying anymore, but I'm guessing this will be used to mark my fall from sanity. Oh, Berkeley..look what you do to me!

moving on.

2010-04-28T14:57:00.000-07:00

As the semester winds down, I find myself looking back and re-evaluating the past four months. Turned in my last paper of the semester today, so that's why I look like a hot mess. Naptime, here I come! I honestly can't believe that tomorrow is my last day of class! It's ridiculous how quickly this semester went by; I can't believe I'm almost done with my first year at Cal. As much as I'm going to miss being in LA over the summer, I'm really glad I get the opportunity to spend the summer up in Berkeley and the Bay Area. I think it'll be really good for me.

I keep thinking about everything that's happened since the end of fall semester. Going to Israel, meeting some of my closest friends in Berkeley, taking some of my favorite classes at Cal, getting really involved in CalTV, going through some of the most difficult times up here, breaking up with you-know-who, getting closer with my family, deciding to give law school a shot, writing more often, taking more pictures, eating amazing food, listening to a lot more Simon & Garfunkel, my first Seder away from home, cooking more often, studying at Sacks, obsessing over Cheeseboard, etc etc. It wasn't an easy semester by any means; there were a lot of ups and downs. I made some of the toughest decisions of my life, but lately I keep getting reminded of how I've made the best choices possible. No regrets at all. And honestly, I'm the happiest I've ever been, which I didn't think I'd be saying anytime soon. I've got the best friends in the world, both in LA and in Berkeley, and I'm studying what I love and I'm just doing really, really well. It's been an amazing semester on so many levels, and I can't wait to see what's in store. I've still got to get through finals and the LSAT before summer can really start, but I'm excited regardless. Hooray for making it through another semester, I cannot believe I only have two more before I *gulp* graduate...crazy!

oh my golly!

2010-04-25T23:52:00.001-07:00

Picture post! I know you all love these :)

Water fight!

Don't mess with me, I may be small but I'm scrappy!

***

Cheeseboard with Johnny! And yes, we ate all of that...so amazing.

Pistachio gelato and sunshine, what could be better?

***

Yesterday I spent the day in San Francisco with Katie! We met up with Misha, and at lunch at The Grove. It was absolutely delicious!

Iced tea...aka the BEST ICED TEA OF MY LIFE. No joke!

Cheese omelet, toast, and some of the best hash browns I've ever had...they had rosemary in them and were amazing. I'm going to have to attempt to make some like that!

Me and Katie! :)

In terms of eating and shopping, yesterday was a total success. It was one of those days were I magically found everything I could want, and it all happened to be on sale, and I happened to have some money. AMAZING. That hasn't happened in...ever, I think. It was exciting! And now I have lots of cute outfits for all sorts of occasions, haha. It definitely makes studying for finals better when I know I don't look like a total mess!

***

"God Only Knows" by the Beach Boys...I always forget how much I love this song.

all the small things.

2010-04-23T11:49:00.001-07:00

I was all set to write a huge post yesterday looking back, but of course it was the one day this week that I wasn't home at ALL. It was one of the best days I've had at Berkeley--class, a waterfight on Memorial Glade with CalTV people, talking to a professor about a paper I'm excited to write (on Harold and Maude!), Cheeseboard, gelato, and the movies! I was exhausted (I was out from 8am-10pm) but it was so worth it.

This morning, I woke up and had an unexpected email in my inbox.

***

LOVE! from self :D

Dear FutureMe,

april 23, 2009. the night before i find out about ucla, the night before my life changes. a week before i find out about berkeley, my dream school.

right now, it's 5:11 on a thursday afternoon. i locked my keys in my car today, and my friend (preny, from scholars, remember her?) had to drive me home to get my spare and then take me back to school. i have a russian history and a spanish midterm tomorrow, and i'm freaking out. and ucla starts to announce tomorrow...and berkeley next week... god, i really hope i end up going to berkeley, it's all i've ever wanted.

a year from now, i don't know where i'll be...but hopefully happy and satisfied with life. wherever i end up...remember that i'm good and smart and kind and there's so much more to life than school.

i'm single right now, perhaps i won't be a year from now. that's weird to think about, but who knows?

remember,
things happen for a reason, even if it takes time to figure it out. i never wanted to go to gcc but i did and it was the best decision of my life.

love yourself!

love,
yourself ;)

***

There's this website, called FutureMe.org, where you can write an email to yourself and have it sent to your inbox a year or more from now. I had totally forgotten that I had ever even heard of this site, until I got the email this morning.

It's funny to read. I remember how nervous I was, how I couldn't eat or sleep or study. I started my blog! And the first entry was about how nervous I was about waiting for UCLA to announce their results. I got into UCLA, and was ecstatic; finally, things seemed to be going my way. The week waiting for Berkeley to announce was the longest, most excruciating week of my life, especially because I knew the day and the time they were going to post. That day, I was a mess. I remember I went to the doctor's that day, and that was the only thing that really distracted me. I remember coming home, grabbing my laptop, and going to the living room. "Mom," I said, "it's time. And I really don't want to look." My mother reminded me that I had to check, and no matter if I had gotten into Cal or not, I had made her the proudest mother in the world. There was the frantic turning on of the computer, fumbling over the keyboard as I typed in the all-too familiar website with the information that would change my life. I remember reading the word "Congratulations" and not being able to breathe and starting to cry, despite myself. I had gotten into my dream school, I had done it, and every hardship that I went through to get there had been validated in an instant.

It's been a year, and I can definitely say that I'm happier than I've ever been, as well as satisfied with my life. It's a year later, and I just signed up for an LSAT class and I'm getting ready for life post-college. It's so weird to think that it's only been a year since coming to Berkeley, it honestly feels like a lifetime. I still think I'm a good person (though let's be honest, I'm biased), and I'm pretty smart, and yes, there IS so much more to life than school! Something I have to remind myself frequently, but it's an undeniable truth.

As far as being single, yeah, still am. But within this past year I was in my first serious relationship, and I fell head over heels. We were together for a large part of that year, but it's over now. That's still weird to think about, but I grew up so much and am a better person for everything I went through. Funny how I would have never predicted it, though...funny how life works sometimes.

Things really do happen for a reason, that's something I've always believed. Everything comes together and falls into place and it's that thought that gets me through the hard days and sleepless nights. Everything will be okay in the end, and I'm a better person for not always having it easy (though again, I've got to say I've got some of the most amazing things going on in my life and as "stressful" as my life is, I'm really lucky to be in school studying something I love). I've gone through a lot, but that's the point--I've gotten through it, and I'm okay.

Love yourself--trust me, I'm trying. It's a lifelong process, but I'm learning.

I'd definitely suggest sending yourself an email, see how much things change for you in a year. It's a good feeling to look back, and to see how much you've grown. It put a smile on my face and it's going to make enjoying this lovely day in the northern California sunshine that much better.

Happy birthday, blog! And congratulations on a good year, self, here's to many, many more. Cheers!

merry unbirthday!

2010-04-22T23:59:00.000-07:00

I've had my blog for one year. Absolutely ridiculous.

Thanks to everyone who reads this, I really appreciate it.

cal day 2010.

2010-04-18T21:23:00.000-07:00

Here's my weekend in a nutshell--writing, Cal Day, dinner, writing. Enjoy :)

I've been working on my First Amendment & the press paper all weekend. So intense.

***

Around 3:30 I headed to Memorial Glade to see the Cold War Kids concert that started at 4; they went on at 4:30. They played on the steps of Doe Library -- it was so cool! They were here to ~celebrate the end of Global Outreach Week, which the ASUC put on to try and inform students of issues across the globe.

In case you hadn't heard of the Cold War Kids, here's their most famous song, "Hang Me Up To Dry."

Don't waste plastic bags!

COLD WAR KIDS.

Damn the tall people that kept getting in the way of my pictures. Hi, I'm barely 5'2", LET ME IN FRONT OF YOU. Goddamn.

This is a video from the show that I found on Youtube. The show itself was...well, it was mediocre. They're talented musicians (I've seen them play before), but there didn't seem to be any passion behind the music when they played yesterday. They came, they played, they left. Their set was also disappointingly short, no more than about nine songs. That's not a concert, that's an opening act on a bad night. I don't know, on the one hand it was nice to hear live music, and great that we had a band that people had actually heard of come play, but it just wasn't a mind-blowing show. It was fun though, and I met up with an old friend there which was really great!

***

I made mac & cheese from scratch for dinner!

***

If you haven't already, meet my camera/best friend/other half, C.J. Brownie points if you know where her name comes from!

***

Back to writing, I'm determined to finish this paper tonight!

zachary's.

2010-04-18T20:27:00.000-07:00

Morgan, Sam and I went to Zachary's a couple of weeks ago! We got the Mediterranean Pizza...a mixture of red bell peppers, green olives, artichoke hearts, feta and jack cheeses. IT WAS DELICIOUS.

video killed the radio star.

2010-04-18T00:21:00.000-07:00

Hey all! I decided to mix things up and do a video post...let me know what you think!

4.17.10

where is my mind?

2010-04-15T22:59:00.000-07:00

The last few weeks of the semester are so stressful! I'm counting the minutes down until it's summertime; despite the stress of the LSAT, writing law school applications, commuting to my (likely) internship in San Francisco, starting my RA job, and (finally) moving, I CAN'T WAIT. I decided not to take a summer class and focus on applying to law school instead. It wasn't the easiest decision, because if I had taken a class this summer I wouldn't have to take an elective my last semester, but eh, whatever. You can't win them all, right? I can't believe I registered for my penultimate semester of college today; it's completely surreal.

Lately, I find that I'm easily distracted. Like, after writing this sentence, I checked my personal email, my school email, facebook, twitter, tumblr, changed the song on iTunes (from the Pixies to Glee, in case you were wondering), and finally came back to this thought. Putting aside that I have more social networking sites than any one person should, I simply have no attention span for anything. Today, I was intent of working on a difficult paper I have that's due Tuesday...but I can't work without a clean desk, and cleaning my desk turned into cleaning my room which turned into not getting any (school) work done. Productive procrastination? I've mastered it. I need to focus, damnit! I only have two weeks of actual class left, dead week, and then finals...so close!

Anyway, I'm going to attempt to do some reading before going to bed, if I can manage to focus on the novel at all. I'm currently reading Olivia E. Butler's Parable of the Sower for my Atomic Age class, if you were wondering.

Here's some classic Pixies for your time; it's definitely relevant to this post. Enjoy!

bridges & balloons.

2010-04-10T14:52:00.000-07:00

One of the best (and worst) things about Berkeley is the sheer amount of absolutely amazing eateries around campus. It's amazing because it's great having a variety of interesting and delicious places to eat; it's bad because it's not always the cheapest option and it's not good for someone trying to watch their waistline! Regardless, I love it.

Ici is a Berkeley staple and one of my favorite places in the city. It's a gourmet ice cream shop with a twist; not only does it have traditional flavors such as chocolate, but it also carries flavors such as lavender, black-pepper pistachio, rhubarb sorbet, and more, depending on the day! On this lovely day, my friend Morgan and I adventured over there to see what we'd find.

Though I was tempted by the black-pepper pistachio (which was AMAZING), I was boring and got the coffee-fudge swirl. It was so delicious, perhaps the best coffee ice cream I've ever had.

Morgan was slightly more adventurous and got a scoop of rhubarb sorbet and Meyer lemon. Both were delicious as well!

Morgan also got an affogato, which is vanilla ice cream topped by a warm espresso, and in the case of Ici, with candied orange peel. It was mouthwatering, and I'm looking forward to getting one the next time I make it over there. Even though it's a little bit of a walk to go all the way to Ici, it's definitely worth it, as I am reminded every time I go.

***

In other news, this picture is to prove to my mother that yellow nail polish does look good sometimes! At least, I think so. Also, hooray for accidentally wearing Cal colors...GO BEARS!

Here's Colin Meloy of the Decemberists doing a cover of Joanna Newsom's "Bridges and Balloons." I usually can't stand her, but this cover is one of my favorites. Enjoy, and have a good weekend!

mambo italiano.

2010-04-08T23:33:00.001-07:00

A big part of my college experience has definitely been food. Whether it's going out with friends to eat or cooking for myself, it's a totally different experience. Living at home, I always had a home-cooked meal, because my mom is amazing. Living on my own, for the most part I cook for myself. That was one of the benefits of my apartment; even though it's technically university housing, it's not a dorm--it's an actual apartment, with a full kitchen! Though I had the option to get meal points, I declined, and so I feed myself. One thing that I've discovered that I love making is pizza from scratch--not only is it affordable, it's quicker and SO much better than most pizza delivery places! Granted, there are amazing pizza places in Berkeley (think of Cheeseboard and Zachary's), but making it myself is especially rewarding.

Here's me making what's quickly becoming my signature pizza, goat cheese & sun-dried tomatoes! Enjoy, and let me know how it goes if you attempt to make it! I apologize for the quality of the pictures, it's really hard to cook and take pictures at the same time.

Preheat your oven to 450 degrees.

I bought a jar of sundried tomatoes from Trader Joe's.

Also, goat cheese from Trader Joe's! I use about half of this package for one package of dough.

Get one cup of boiling hot water; you're going to put the sun-dried tomatoes in it!

About 3/4s cup of sun-dried tomatoes in the water. Soak for 15-20 minutes.

While your tomatoes are soaking, take the dough out. Open the bag and let it rest at room temperature for about 20 minutes.

After you've soaked your tomatoes, drain them and then dry them as best you can.

Roll the dough into a ball and then start to stretch it out! I made two mini pizzas instead of one big one, since I don't have a pizza stone and this fit better on my baking sheet. Also, this way I could eat one pizza and save one for the next day!

After you stretch out the dough, put on the goat cheese!

I LOVE goat cheese. It's kind of ridiculous.

Next, put on your sun-dried tomatoes.

The finished product, pre-baking. The pizza on the right was sprinkled with Parmesan cheese, and I put basil, salt, and extra virgin olive oil on both. Ready to go into the oven!

After about sixteen minutes, this came out of the oven. Time varies depending on the oven, so I'd just watch your pizza...it's ready once the Parmesan has browned, the sun-dried tomatoes are getting crispy, and goat cheese is starting to slightly bubble and brown! Mmmmm.

Close-up.

So delicious!

It's so easy to make, affordable, rewarding, impressive, healthy, and most importantly, absolutely delicious!

fire and rain.

2010-04-04T11:39:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's only been a week since I came back to Berkeley from Spring Break; it honestly feels like a lifetime ago. The past week was nice, but it was the calm before the storm. This week, the last four weeks of school really heat up, with midterms, papers, and then finals! I have an incredible amount of work to do, most of it actually interesting, but at the same time I just want to stay under my covers and watch movies. Actually, I have to watch two movies for my Atomic Age class, so I can actually get away with doing that...haha. In any case, I've got a lot to do, and I'm not particularly moved to do anything at all.

This weekend was excellent; my family (friends) Sue & Steve came up to see me and take me out to dinner (and breakfast)! Not only was it delicious, but it was so kind of them to come all the way up to come visit me :)

And of course, they wouldn't come without FROGS! :)

Today was really rainy. My friend and I had to head up to the Lawrence Hall of Science to check out their exhibit on race, and it was so wet out!

It definitely brought up a lot of interesting questions...I'm excited to discuss it in class on Wednesday.

In any case, I should get back to my studies...midterm on Tuesday, and then I have a paper due each week for the next four. Stressful, but with each major assignment I turn in I'm reminded of how much closer to summer I am!

BONUS SHOT: Me before my Passover Seder! Lookin' fancy :)

ALSO ALSO ALSO: it's my half birthday today, which means I am exactly six months away from my 21st birthday! It's so close I can almost taste it.

lovelovelove.

blowin' in the wind.

2010-03-29T17:36:00.001-07:00

Tonight is the first night of Passover and it is incredibly weird to not be at home getting ready for our annual family Seder. I'm going to a Seder at Hillel with a couple of my friends from Birthright, but I don't know if it'll feel like Passover without matzo ball soup, the frog song, my brother finding the afikomen and singing "Blowin' in the Wind." Guess it's about time I grow up though, right?

Happy Passover!

under the blacklight.

2010-03-28T22:54:00.000-07:00

Back in Berkeley, and back to class tomorrow! I'm currently in my pajamas in my apartment, watching (500) Days of Summer and avoiding studying. It's definitely a movie that I was worried about watching, but it's actually making me feel better, even though it makes me miss LA. I actually did get some work done today, but honestly, I'm just trying to gather all my energy and get ready to kick ass for the next five weeks of class! It's ridiculous, the year is almost over...I have five weeks of class, dead week, finals and then SUMMER! Summer is going to be busy but still, Berkeley is so much nicer when you don't have four classes worth of work to worry about.

I went out to dinner with one of my future roommates today and I am SO EXCITED! Even though I get my own room (and bathroom!), I still share a common area and a kitchen with two girls, and I'm really looking forward to living with them. I believe I start my RA job June 1...crazy!

Big news, readers! I signed up to take the LSAT in June...what the hell!? I feel like I just transferred, and now I'm applying to schools all over again. Ridiculous. In any case, it's kind of intense because I know people who take a YEAR off of school to study, and I'm taking a month long intensive class and then taking the exam. If anything, I can retake it in October...and if anything, I can always go to film school. In any case, I have options, and although I'm worried about not getting into a law school I want to go to, I know I have options and I know I'll be okay, and that's a relief.

Listening to Rilo Kiley's Under the Blacklight album on repeat lately, it's really comforting. Here's Jenny Lewis (lead singer of Rilo Kiley) performing an acoustic cover of "Silver Lining," enjoy.

And the grass it was a ticking
And the sun was on the rise
I never felt so wicked
As when I willed our love to die

And I was your silver lining
As the story goes
I was your silver lining
But now I'm gold

♥

feeling the pull.

2010-03-24T12:18:00.000-07:00

Growing up is hard. Moving away is hard. Trying to maintain relationships, with friends, family, and significant others, over 400 miles of distance, is ridiculously hard. There are days in which I question my decision to go to Berkeley; not in that it was difficult to choose to go there, but because I knew I'd make things harder on myself; debt-wise, life-wise. Though my family remains as amazing as ever, and my friends and I have never been closer, it doesn't make it any easier when I'm up there all alone. They're there--by phone, email, and Skype--but at the same time, sometimes I just need a hug, or someone to sit with me. I gave that up when I made the choice to go to Cal. This past week, ending a relationship that I truly thought would last a hell of a lot longer than eight months, I was reminded of what a precarious situation I had placed myself in by leaving, risking losing everything I'd ever loved. I'm aware of how melodramatic that sounds, but it's really difficult to maintain relationships and friendships with massive distance between you. I work everyday to make sure I don't lose them, putting in an extra effort I wouldn't have to make if I was actually present.

At the same time, by going to Berkeley and leaving my comfort zone, I've grown up more than I realized was possible. Going to UCLA would have been the easy choice for me, taking on less debt, living at home, staying in the same city as my best friends and not having to start over. I would get to go to my favorite hangouts and have new adventures with old friends...I would be content. But it wouldn't have pushed me to meet new people, to adapt to difficult situations, to learn to stand on my own two feet. In my heart, I know I made the best choice for me, even though it wasn't the easiest.

I try to live life without regrets, always telling people the truth and making sure they know I care. Putting myself out there usually ends with me getting hurt, but I sleep soundly at night knowing that I said what I was feeling. Also, life is too short to keep some things in, because what if something happens to the person you wanted to say something to? Just go for it, you have nothing to lose. In terms of the last eight months, I have no regrets about anything; it was the happiest I'd been in a really long time. When I decided to move to Berkeley, my whole world turned around. On the way there, I found someone that understood my quirks and thought all the better of me for it. He was someone who I just fit with, who just made sense. The only thing off was he just happened to be staying the very place I was leaving behind. Although it worked for awhile, it wasn't a fair situation for anyone and now it's over.

I chose Berkeley, and although it wasn't the easiest choice, I have to keep reminding myself that it was, and is, the best thing I could have done for myself.

2010-03-19T15:08:00.000-07:00

Back in Los Angeles, hooray for spring break 2010!

one hundred.

2010-03-15T14:21:00.000-07:00

This marks my 100th post on this blog, which is all kinds of ridiculous. It still hasn't been a year since I started writing (that would fall on April 22), but I still feel that 100 posts is a reason to be excited! Once I get to the one year mark I'll make a post looking back, but for now I'll just say that I'm happy to still have reason to write, and that some people seem to read this.

In other news, I was talking to some friends today and they commented that I seemed to have it all together. The thought is laughable to me (and to my mother, I'm sure), but I guess that on the surface, it appears that I do. When I moved to Berkeley I didn't wait a second before getting involved in Hillel, CalTV, and Apartment Association. I have an RA job for next year, I (very likely) have an internship over the summer in San Francisco, I'm taking an LSAT class over the summer, I'm teaching a DeCal in the fall, I know what classes I'm taking for the rest of my time at Berkeley...it's kind of crazy. I guess that yeah, it does appear that I know what I'm doing. But really...I don't! I'm still growing up and learning and hell if I know what I'm doing once I graduate! Law school would be great, but who knows if I'll get in. I have my back up plans, of course- either grad school for Communications or film school, but at the same time, I don't know what I want, in the long-term sense of things.

However, for the short-term, I'd say I'm doing pretty okay. Midterm due tomorrow, meetings all day tomorrow, work and class on Wednesday, class and then FLYING HOME on Thursday! So excited.

all the small things.

2010-03-13T21:58:00.000-08:00

I've been working on an Israel post, so hopefully that'll be up soon, but to tide y'all over here are pictures of my day hanging out (aka eating) with some of my CalTV friends!

This is Katie, she runs the Marketing department of CalTV and she's awesomeeee.

Johnny is the head of my department, Cinematography! I'm biased, but we really are the best department there.

Chin used to run Marketing, now she's just chillin'. Too cool for school, obviously.

First stop of the afternoon was Gregoire, for some crispy potato puffs.

America's Next Top Model!

Next stop, Cheeseboard. HELL YEAH.

Today's pizza had zucchini, onions, mozzarella and feta cheese, and arugula-hazelnut pesto. IT WAS SO GOOD.

These are pretty much my favorite things in the world, in case anyone was wondering. Good thing they're on the other side of town, otherwise I would be fat/broke. GAH SO GOOD!

And then, we went to Masse's for dessert! This was my stash of goods, including a mixed berry macaroon, a Bailey's Irish Cream macaroon, a cappuccino thin and a financier cookie.

After THAT, we went to Love at First Bite, a cupcake shop on Northside. Johnny was in awe!

My box! One red velvet and one mini chocolate.

Katie's.

Johnny devours his mini red velvet...haha.

Filmers! We match, haha.

Group shot!

CalTV + cupcakes = awesome!

Bonus picture from Emma's birthday party last night! Hooray for CalTV friends :)

After our lunchtime adventures, I went over to my friend Nadine's for her lovely Cupcakes & Champagne birthday party. It was a lot of fun, and I dressed up and everything! Now I'm home, eating Terra chips, watching Buffy and writing a midterm. Actually, I had about five chips and then put them back because honestly, I can't eat anymore, haha. I'm flying home on Thursday and I can't wait. As much as I love Berkeley I'm excited to go home and see my family and friends and just relax for a week. But first, a midterm awaits!

bookends.

2010-03-09T23:08:00.000-08:00

Today wasn't a very good day, but in keeping with the spirit of attempting to see the good in everything, I have once again realized that I have some of the best friends in the entire world. They not only support me in whatever I chose to do, but truly want the best for me and are there for me regardless of circumstances and distance.

Special shout-out to Marie for being there to answer late night phone calls when I don't know who else to talk to. I'm really lucky to have such amazing people in my life.

9 days until I'm back in Los Angeles.

***

Time it was, and what a time it was, it was
A time of innocence, a time of confidences
Long ago, it must be, I have a photograph
Preserve your memories, they're all that's left you

talking in code.

2010-03-04T16:51:00.000-08:00

Today was the day that students all over the state of California protested the budget cuts that are affecting us all. I would have participated, except that I had class, which uh, I kind of failed to wake up for. Yeah. I mean, it was bound to happen eventually, right? In any case, I slept through both the protest and class, oh well. I still was up in time to go to lunch with my friend Morgan, though! And boy, was I glad I didn't miss that.

This sign was hung over Sather Gate.

Pretty flowers in Memorial Glade.

***

So, we went to Gregoire for lunch and Masse's Pastries for dessert. Are you ready for this?

Morgan got the grilled chicken patty with sautéed chanterelles & gorgonzola dolce in pantofolina.

We got an order of crispy potato puffs to share.

And I got the 3 cheese potato soup.

Morgan was content.

Dessert was dynamite! Ha. But really...it was amazing. It was some sort of pastry with a passionfruit filling...I don't actually know what was in it, but I know that it was delicious and I loved it.

IT WAS SO GOOD GUYS.

I also got some cookies to go...a green tea macaroon, a chocolate macaroon, a lemon shortbread cookie and a cappuccino chip cookie.

Mmmmm.

***

So we were full and with time, so what did we do? Walk all the way up to the Berkeley Rose Garden, getting lost/finding adventure on the way. I live on Southside, so I never take the time to explore North Berkeley, but I'm so glad that I've been venturing out there a bit more. The houses are gorgeous, and as cheesy as it sounds, walking around them made me feel as though I was in a fairytale land. It also reminded me of back home, because Marie and I would often drive through the Burbank/Glendale hills and look at the houses up there.

Lots of pretty things on the way.

We arrive!

The view at the top was breathtaking.

I cannot WAIT to go when the roses are in full bloom, the place is gorgeous without them so I can't imagine how it'll be when it's filled to the brim with flowers. It's also really peaceful there.

I thought this memorial plaque was beautiful.

I love overcast Berkeley days!

I ran into my nemisis...he ran away. I win...AGAIN.

As if I didn't feel short already?

Super overcast, gorgeous.

There were police all over campus because of the protest, just making sure that everything stayed under control.

I got home and treated myself to an AMAZING macaroon.

***

I got back and cleaned my room, and now I'm about to start working on my Atomic Age midterm. Tomorrow is Friday and I actually have plans other than studying this weekend, so I need to try and be productive today! Today was a really good day (despite missing class, oops) and again I am reminded to stop and look at how amazing everything around me is. Taking some time to explore, eat, and be with a good friend is a nice break from studying all the time, and it was exactly what I needed this week.

brand new day.

2010-02-28T12:47:00.000-08:00

This week has been ridiculously stressful, to say the least. As I mentioned in a previous entry, things had been going too well so things were bound to get a little screwy eventually, right? :) Between classes, tests, a MAJOR paper (that I have legitimately been working on for a week and am still nowhere near done), CalTV, work, Apartment Association, friend drama, and more, it's a lot to handle! I've been trying really hard to maintain control over my insecurities and feelings, but it's so hard sometimes. That's two thing that you totally lose when you leave for college, people who will tolerate you when you're emotional and a space in which you can be emotional. As lame as it sounds, it's really hard not having a space that is totally my own in which I can cry, laugh, sing, talk, yell or sleep without anyone watching. This total lack of privacy is completely unnerving at times, and it's only now that I realize that I've taken it for granted my whole life. I can't wait to have my own room next year, and regain that little bit of sanity that comes along with having my own space.

Throughout all the things that have happened this week, of which I don't care to elaborate because a) it'll only upset me more b) it'll upset the other people involved and c) the specifics aren't really important, it's become ridiculously apparent that I have amazing friends. Whether it be my best friend in Los Angeles, my friends up here or my boy back home, everyone has been so understanding and calming and I don't think that I would have retained my calm without their help. I'd also like to make a special shout-out to my mother who has been nothing short of amazing these past few days as I've slowly begun my descent into the madness that is stress.

Things are good, life is amazing. It's easy to get caught up in the moment and get upset over meaningless things but I have to stop myself and just remember that I am exactly where I want to be, with the most amazing people around me and in my life, and although things could be better, it's these moments that exist so that we can truly value the good things life has to offer.

los angeles, my love

2010-02-25T15:04:00.000-08:00

Here's a collection of pictures I took when I went home for President's Day weekend, let me know what you think!

I went to the Downtown Los Angeles Art Walk with my family.

At the Alcove Cafe with my best friends. Dinner was great, and then it was Marisa's 21st so we went to the Superbad liquor store!

bill clinton.

2010-02-24T23:58:00.000-08:00

"You are living in a time in history when the individual citizen ... can have more influence over the outcome of affairs than ever before. The future is in your hands. You gotta be able to answer the how question and you have to be willing to put yourself on the line."

****

**EDIT: if you want to watch the whole speech, it's available at here :)

baby you're my light.

2010-02-20T23:42:00.000-08:00

beating up my workload, one assignment at a time!

Long time no update! Things have been kind of insane, between midterms, flying home for President's Day weekend (and conveniently, Valentine's Day ♥), coming back to school, and prepping for even more midterms and papers. Overall though, life has been exceptional over the last few days, despite a minor freak out at the beginning of the week. I was informed last week that I had been selected to work as an Apartment Assistant (the equivalent of an RA for the apartments I currently live in) for next year, and I was ecstatic to get the job! I also did amazing on my first test in my First Amendment class, got a ticket to see Bill Clinton speak at Berkeley next week (and there were only 1,200 student tickets available and the server was crashing ALL MORNING), saw Shutter Island, had AMAZING pizza at Cheeseboard (it was Roma tomatoes, onions, mozzarella and French goat cheese, garlic olive oil, and Italian parsley; definitely one of the best pizzas I've ever had in my life), and more. I always get sort of nervous when things start to go too well, but after falling down half a flight of stairs today I think it's all balanced out (even if I'm not, haha).

(in case you weren't hungry already, here's a picture of the pizza I devoured)

Today I took at practice LSAT and did...eh, well considering I went in totally cold and was TOTALLY unprepared, I did okay. I think that if I work really hard I'll have a decent shot of getting into a somewhat reputable law school...maybe. I'm still deciding if that's what I really want to do. I really want to take a year off after I graduate, but part of me wants to keep the momentum going and go straight to law school/grad school/film school/wherever. I don't know what I want yet! And as much as I want to say that I have time to decide, realistically, I don't. It's stressing me out, but I'm trying not to worry too much right now.

ask me things!

2010-02-06T11:47:00.001-08:00

Ask me anything you want, and I'll answer honestly: http://www.formspring.me/windowblues

I have a lot of posts I'm working on, so keep your eyes peeled for that in the near future, but first, I have a ridiculous amount of reading I need to get done!

if you want to sing out, sing out.

2010-02-04T17:40:00.000-08:00

I don't know how to start off this blog eloquently, but basically, I've been doing a lot of thinking about the concept of higher education in American society.

Obviously, I'm an advocate of going to college--I'm currently going into massive debt to get my Bachelor's degree. However, recently I've been questioning how necessary getting a degree is; or rather, how necessary getting a degree should be. Does it prove something, and if it does, should that be a determining factor in someone's career? I'm not suggesting that an average Joe can just want to be a lawyer and become one; obviously, there has to be some sort of training for certain jobs. But for the countless number of us liberal arts majors (you know who you are, you English/History/Film/Anthropology/Mass Comm people!), is a degree really necessary? What would getting a Bachelor's in Russian History do in terms of working well with people in an office? Unless you're lucky enough to become a professional scholar on the Russian Revolution, chances are you're not going to be working on something related to your degree. I'm not trying to be mean here, I ask this considering that I almost majored in Russian History! Most of our degrees aren't teaching us practical things...they're teaching us theory, and they're teaching us how to think, but in the real world (and I say this based on my limited experience working out there), knowing Marx's theory of false consciousness doesn't mean a thing. I mean, it's an advantage I guess, but at the same time, if you can't unjam a copy machine what good does your fancy education do you?

I understand the value in going to a university, or at least, I do in the traditional sense. Those who are better educated are theoretically better citizens, and the better the citizens the better the democracy. Going to college used to be a rare event, reserved for the elite and the brilliant; as it becomes more accessible it also becomes more commonplace. Getting a degree used to mean you were special, that you had worked harder than anyone else and were getting prepared for a career. Nowadays, anyone and everyone can get a degree, and although the accessibility is wonderful, at the same time it diminishes the distinction between one person and the next. Once you have a degree, that's it...and you know what they say, even C's graduate. These days, one has to go the ~extra mile~ and go to graduate school, law school, or medical school in order to truly stand out among their peers. What, you mean my four years of undergraduate work don't matter anymore!? To be honest, the only reason many people go through undergrad is to get to the graduate level. I even had an advisor once tell me that my undergraduate major doesn't matter at all because I'm going to have to get further schooling anyways. Really? Way to be motivational!

In addition, people's motives for college have changed somewhat. Obviously, one goes to get a higher education to prepare them for a career. However, what happens if you want to go for a career that doesn't require a law degree, or a medical degree? What if you want to be a writer, and you've done writing workshops, and you just have a natural talent? Should you be required to go through the same educational system as someone pursuing a degree in engineering? I get that they're not the same thing, but it's just really frustrating to think that people feel obligated to get degrees, even though they can't afford it and they don't necessarily need them. Furthermore, a lot of technical colleges have lost support over the years, and so people no longer have as many 2-year options, so they are forced to get a 4-year degree.

Again, I'll restate the fact that I'm one of many, many people getting my degree. Personally, I view my education as an investment, and the experience itself of going to a world renowned university and moving out and all that jazz has been amazing. I'll defend my choice to go to school to the death...I love going to school and learning and as much as I complain about the work, I really do enjoy it. On the other hand, I'm acknowledging the fact that this system isn't made for everyone, and that it shouldn't be mandatory for those who, in all honesty, don't really need it. There are plenty of brilliant people I know who don't go to college, and they're a hell of a lot smarter than I am. Getting your degree and studying should be something you want, rather than something you need. I just wish society could be as tolerant about a ~lack of education, because a lack of a degree does NOT mean a lack of knowledge, skills, or talent!

dolores park.

2010-02-01T01:22:00.001-08:00

andrea., originally uploaded by windowblues.

Spent the day in San Francisco with one of my best friends who I realized I've known for seven (7!) years. It's crazy how much more grown up we are...except not at all!

Back to reading, more tomorrow :)

waiting on the world to change.

2010-01-31T00:22:00.000-08:00

First of all, I'm planning on renaming my blog, so suggestions are more than welcome :) In fact, they're kind of necessary, so shoot me an email!

In other news...this semester is intense. And by intense, I mean it's the second week of classes and I need to have three books read by next week, as well as two short stories, two court decisions, and three articles. I also need to finish a cover letter, go over my resume, write the appeal to get into my major, and finish applying to scholarships. What the hell!? Not cool. Regardless, tomorrow I'm going to spend the day in San Francisco with one of my best friends from high school...I know that school-wise it isn't the best choice, but it's what I need, mental health-wise. For the most part I've been doing really well but I can feel some of my old insecurities and bad habits sneaking up on me and it's not good. Hopefully tomorrow will provide enough distraction/amusement/adventure/happiness to diffuse all the weird stuff going on with me. Not that things are going badly--honestly, things have never been better--but I'm just having to face some things that I've been avoiding dealing with. In any case, things are bound to look up...they have to. I'm really homesick as well; I love Berkeley and all (and I am so, SO happy here, especially with my new Birthright friends who I have bonded with more than I would have ever expected), but I haven't seen my family since December and it's been a really intense month and I just want to go home. Twelve days and I will be back in my bed, in my city surrounded by all of the people I love.

proof.

2010-01-29T17:37:00.001-08:00

dome of the golden rock., originally uploaded by windowblues.

Standing in front of the Dome of the Golden Rock in Jerusalem :)

I have a lot of work to do this weekend--a ridiculous amount, actually, considering that it's the SECOND week of the semester--but I'm going to the Bus 862 reunion tonight! We're hosting Shabbat at Hillel and then hanging out...I'm really excited to see everyone. Tomorrow I'm studying all morning and watching Felicity in the afternoon, and Sunday I'm going to San Francisco to visit one of my best friends from high school. I'll get my work done, but I'm trying to have a little bit of a social life before school gets absolutely ridiculous this semester.

state of the union 2010.

2010-01-27T20:37:00.000-08:00

"Fourth, we need to invest in the skills and education of our people.

This year, we have broken through the stalemate between left and right by launching a national competition to improve our schools. The idea here is simple: instead of rewarding failure, we only reward success. Instead of funding the status quo, we only invest in reform – reform that raises student achievement, inspires students to excel in math and science, and turns around failing schools that steal the future of too many young Americans, from rural communities to inner-cities. In the 21st century, one of the best anti-poverty programs is a world-class education. In this country, the success of our children cannot depend more on where they live than their potential.

When we renew the Elementary and Secondary Education Act, we will work with Congress to expand these reforms to all fifty states. Still, in this economy, a high school diploma no longer guarantees a good job. I urge the Senate to follow the House and pass a bill that will revitalize our community colleges, which are a career pathway to the children of so many working families. To make college more affordable, this bill will finally end the unwarranted taxpayer-subsidies that go to banks for student loans.Instead, let’s take that money and give families a $10,000 tax credit for four years of college and increase Pell Grants. And let’s tell another one million students that when they graduate, they will be required to pay only ten percent of their income on student loans, and all of their debt will be forgiven after twenty years – and forgiven after ten years if they choose a career in public service. Because in the United States of America, no one should go broke because they chose to go to college. And it’s time for colleges and universities to get serious about cutting their own costs – because they too have a responsibility to help solve this problem."

President Barack Obama's State of the Union was a brilliant exercise in eloquence, compromise, strength, and hope. Though there were many highlights, the section that obviously stood out the most to me was when he talked about education. I can only hope that he follows through on his words, because this is something that hits close to home for me and millions of other students in the United States, who are taught to "invest" in their education and thus begin their career as an adult in debt. With this job market the way it's been, it's getting harder and harder to justify spending money on a higher education; however, it's also getting harder and harder to get a job without a college degree. Let's hope that 2010 brings the change we need to truly reform the education system in America.

not dark yet.

2010-01-25T23:32:00.000-08:00

Life is good, too good, and sometimes we need to stop and appreciate what we have instead of complaining about what we don't. It's too short and unpredictable to always be looking ahead; revel in the moment!

Just something I've been thinking about a lot lately.

"sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can pretty much change your life forever."

2010-01-23T19:36:00.001-08:00

Weekly marathons of Felicity after studying for Media Studies 103 & 104A with my friend make me happy. Our goal is to finish the series by the end of the semester!

here comes the sun.

2010-01-21T20:04:00.000-08:00

So, a new semester has begun, and as the first week draws to a close, I've come to terms with the fact that my life is amazing. Seriously, I have honestly never been more content with my life than I am right now, for so many different reasons. First of all, 2010 has just been incredible so far...I started it off in the air, on my way to Israel, and it's been one wonderful event after another since then. New York was a great experience, really laid back and fun. I slept a lot (jet lag coming back was AWFUL, I still don't feel recovered), went to the Met, a production of Hair on Broadway (that was god awful, oh man) and went to MOMA. Not that much but it was exactly what I needed, and after the packed itinerary we had in Israel, it was nice to take it easy. The only downside to going to New York was that I wasn't able to go home before the beginning of the semester, but I figured I'd be home eventually (and that is indeed the case, as I just bought my tickets to fly home for President's Day weekend!). In any case, I flew straight from New York back to school, and had only two days to recover before my classes began.

This semester, I'm taking three upper division classes that fill prerequisites for my major, as well as a Decal (for CalTV). I was originally taking four upper divs, but quickly realized that I was definitely biting off more than I would be able to chew, and that I needed to take it easy so that I could succeed in all of my classes, as opposed to just barely managing to stay afloat.

First off, I'm taking Media Studies 103, which is "Understanding Journalism." The class is focused on--take a guess--understanding the role of news and journalists in American society, both past and present. Taught by Professor Tom Goldstein, who happened to have been the past dean of the Journalism schools at Columbia and Berkeley (!!), it's an insightful look at the way the press functions in our daily lives, and how it ought to function. It's really interesting, and though we've only had two lectures so far I really like it. The only downside is that it's an 8am class; luckily, the building it's in is right by my apartment, and it's nice having the whole day ahead of me.

Secondly, I have Media Studies 104A, which is "The First Amendment and the Press," which has quickly become my favorite class. We're learning about how the First Amendment has been defined and redefined by the Supreme Court (as the Framers purposefully left it vague) through the cases they've seen throughout the years. What exactly constitutes "free speech"? Who is "the press," and do they have different rights than the people? So many questions...I love it. It's also my first introduction to law in a formal classroom setting, and it's definitely going to help me decide if law school is something I'm going to be interested in or not. We'll see how I do, but based on the material I am totally engaged. It doesn't hurt that my professor, William B. Turner, practiced law for over forty years and took three (3!) cases to the U.S. Supreme Court. Can you tell why I'm intimidated?!

Lastly, I'm taking American Studies 101, on "The Atomic Age." Pretty self-explanatory, it's a class on the United States during the bombing of Japan and after, from the immediate effects to the Cold War, Civil Rights Movement, the 1970s, the Reagan era, and now. It seems fascinating, and the reading is all novels that are pertinent to the time period and the mentality of the American people at the time. Additionally, we have to watch movies (for homework!) including one of my all-time favorites, Kubrick's Dr. Strangelove. I'm so excited!

Basically, I love ALL of my classes so far...when does that ever happen? I'm actually excited to do the work and the reading and the writing and even though I know I'm going to complain about it (that's just what I do, haha) I know that I'm really going to enjoy this semester as a whole.

Other than that, life has been pretty mellow. I'm enjoying going to work, seeing friends (especially new ones I made on the trip!), sleeping (I seriously have not gone to bed past 10:30pm, it's ridiculous how tired I feel) and catching up on TV. The weather has been RIDICULOUS (so rainy, windy, and cold!) and I'm not used to actually having to dress for the rain...I'm already sick of my rainboots. Oh well. Despite this, I have never been more in love with my life, and I'm so, so happy that this year, and this semester, are off to an amazing start. It's hard to believe that January is almost over, and that it'll be February (and the start of midterms and papers) before I know it. This semester is going to fly by, so I already need to start preparing for the summer...I know I'll be living in Berkeley, but I need to figure out if I want to take classes, get an internship, get a job, or take an LSAT class...ahh! Choices! Growing up! It's an odd feeling. I'm just enjoying life one day at a time, and it's a nice way to live, even if only for a bit before the craziness of being a student kicks in.

i could be dreaming.

2010-01-14T06:43:00.000-08:00

I can't believe that it is January 14. So much has happened since my last post...Israel was amazing, intense, beautiful, question-inducing, disappointing, surprising, and more, all at the same time. It's really hard to explain if you've never been, but it was definitely a one-of-a-kind experience and I'm so, so glad I went. The best part was the group I went with, all amazing individuals that I cannot wait to see once I get back to school, and the group of Israeli soldiers that traveled with us...truly outstanding human beings. Over the duration of this trip I didn't sleep much, but I swam in the Dead Sea, covered myself in mud, climbed Masada, rode a camel, danced in a tent under the stars, sang, laughed, hugged under the most beautiful sky I've ever seen, explored, ate, cried, wondered, questioned, and above all found a sense of inner peace that I never knew existed.

I'm in New York City right now, and I'll be headed back to Berkeley on Saturday! I'm excited. I'm going to the Met today, and hopefully a show if we can get tickets! To quote a new friend, I'm stoked on life and excited to see what this semester (and this year!) has in store.

winter wonderland.

2009-12-25T17:19:00.000-08:00

Happy Holidays to everyone! Chrismukkah has come and gone, and it's time to end this year as best as possible. Since I've been home I've watched a ridiculous amount of movies, slept on a regular schedule (and on my own mattress!!), spent time with my family, fallen more in love with Los Angeles, caught up with old friends, read for fun and more. It's been a truly amazing and memorable break, though I'm afraid it'll be over before I know it, as I'll be leaving on the 30th for my travels! I'm so excited, though at the same time I do wish I could have had a bit more time at home. You know what they say, though...you can't always get what you want! I'm honestly so ridiculously content with everything in my life, though. 2009 has been the year of ch-ch-ch-ch-changes, and the grand majority have been for the better.

I'll post more later; updating from my iPod takes forever!

final-ly free!

2009-12-16T22:50:00.001-08:00

Sorry for the title, but as if I could resist making such an awful pun?! Too good to be true.

In any case, last night I officially finished my first semester at Berkeley! It's so surreal to think that I only have three semesters left here. It didn't end quite as well as I wanted (an unexpectedly detailed question regarding globalization/cultural imperialism totally killed my grade in Media Studies) but that's okay. Honestly, I think I did very well considering this was my first semester here. There was a lot of change and a lot of adjusting to do, and I think that if I look at my life as a whole over the last six months, I have definitely accomplished a lot.

Official semester recap to come later; I need to pack because I'm going home tomorrow! Perfect timing...it's the ~~last night~~ penultimate of Hanukkah, so I'll have dinner with my family, and then I'm going to see Avatar at midnight. Perfect way to start my winter break off right.

honestly...

2009-12-14T18:50:00.000-08:00

In writing a personal lifestyle blog such as this, there's a thin line between honesty and talking too much; I want to convey my experiences as a college student as honestly as possible, but I'm afraid of putting too much of myself out into the world, especially considering that this is a TOTALLY open blog that anyone in the world has access to. Anyone! A scary thought, that anyone anywhere could be reading about my life...then again, I started this blog knowing that risk. Anyways... honesty. It's sometimes hard to be completely honest, because eventually someone would read something and get hurt, or I'd say something that someone could use against me. I have had far too many friends that have lost jobs or employment opportunities due to things they've said on blogs/twitter/facebook (though really, WHY they said some of the things they did is beyond me). In any case, it would suck. Then again, why do I bother writing a blog if I can't be completely honest about my college experience? It's not all rainbows and sunshine, not every person I've met has been amazing, not all of my classes/professors are perfect (despite that I'm at one of the best schools in the country), life isn't always perfect, etc. It's a conundrum, and I'm honestly still debating what to do about it.

In any case, tonight's the night--tomorrow I finish my first semester at Cal. I have to finish writing my advertising paper and continue studying for Media Studies...so. close. !!!! I was feeling pretty down earlier, but talking to my family and my best friend on the phone definitely gave me the motivation I needed to just get it done. Tomorrow's going to be a long day, but after it's over...that's it, my first semester at Berkeley will be totally over. I'm excited, but nervous! Expect a recap post once I get home. Wednesday I'll be packing all day (since I need to pack for LA, Israel, and NYC!) and then Thursday I will be flying home! I could not BE more excited.

One more crazy scholarly night, and I'm free until the 19th of January. I can do it!

P.S. - Could I have possibly used the word "honestly" anymore?! Honestly!

just a shot away.

2009-12-12T05:09:00.000-08:00

Pulling what I hope is my last all-nighter this semester, trying to finish my Gender midterm that's due at 11am. Yes, I know, procrastination is bad. Whatever. I don't care about this test at all, and considering that class is pass/no pass for me I don't have to worry (or care) about excelling at this exam. I've been listening to Let It Bleed all night, and it wasn't until I removed my headphones for a second that I realized that it was raining again. I love listening to rain fall; unfortunately, it just makes me want to go to bed as opposed to being productive. There are worse things, I suppose. I just need to finish this exam, go drop it off at Barrows, and then I can sleep. Nothing better than sleeping on a rainy day...I'm excited about it!

OH YEAH, GUESS WHO GOT AN A ON THE FIRST PART OF THEIR ADVERTISING FINAL!?? So very exciting!! Okay, time to motivate myself and just plow through the week!

To-Do List:

4 page Advertising Paper (due Tuesday @ 5)
study for Media Studies (exam Tuesday from 5-8)

I'll be home in five days, I can't believe it. Honestly, the thought that at this time next week I will be home is the only thing that is keeping me going.

2009-12-11T14:59:00.000-08:00

I HATE FINALS I HATE FINALS I HATE FINALS

Please explain to me why I'm writing an essay on U.S.-Mexico Border Relations for my GENDER STUDIES CLASS?! WHY AREN'T ANY OF THE QUESTIONS ABOUT GENDER?!?!?!

I can't wait until this semester is over.

toss me a cigarette, i think there's one in my raincoat.

2009-12-07T23:08:00.000-08:00

It has become unbearably cold in Berkeley! Well, as unbearable as California seems to get...it was about a high of 40 degrees today...which is really cold for me, I'm used to lows of 50 degrees! Oh Los Angeles, how you spoiled me. In any case, it is an excellent excuse to get all bundled up in my cutest winter gear, which includes this hat from Peru! I love being able to get away with wearing it, it's adorable and adds something interesting to my outfits. Anyways...

It's "dead week," in which students theoretically get a week to study for all of their finals. Ha. I mean, obviously I'm studying...but it's really easy to get distracted. I've been on a Scorcese kick lately; I just watched The Departed for the first time (amazing) and I brought Gangs of New York to watch for the millionth time. I also have a million tv-on-dvds to watch...hm. I promise I'm studying, though! I had half of my Advertising final, which went fairly well, and so now I have:

the other half of my Advertising final, which is a 4 page paper
a take-home final for Gender Studies, which is two short essay questions and one long essay--thank GOD I am done with this class, it was the worst
one in-class final for Media Studies...December 15 from 5-8pm

And after that...I'm free! I fly home the 17th and I am SO EXCITED. Still need to figure out what I'm packing, since I'm packing for not only home but Israel and NYC as well. I'm so excited for life! I'm nervous because I don't really know anyone on the Birthright trip, but I guess I'll get to know them, haha. I've been listening to a lot of Bob Dylan, the Rolling Stones, and Simon & Garfunkel lately. It's a good mix and it makes me happy.

Life is going to be absolutely wonderful once finals are over.

tangled up in blue.

2009-12-02T23:50:00.000-08:00

Right before I left, I was given a copy of Bob Dylan's Blood on the Tracks, and though I knew I'd like it, I had no idea I wouldn't be able to stop listening to it...it's been on repeat since Monday. Best gift in a long time.

In other news, my first final is tomorrow and I really don't care anymore. I'm ready for winter break, now.

back to reality.

2009-12-02T11:33:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving was wonderful, but now it's back to reality...a reality known as FINALS! Dun dun dunnnnnn~

In any case, stay tuned for (serveral) caffeinated updates.

ALSO! I am thinking of changing the name of my blog...thoughts? comments? ideas? let me know!

homeward bound.

2009-11-25T18:22:00.001-08:00

I am home and absolutely loving it. If anything, I'm extremely grateful to be able to spend time with all of my loved ones.

Have a great Thanksgiving, everyone.

2009-11-22T19:15:00.000-08:00

raw footage from friday's protest

2009-11-21T13:44:00.001-08:00

2009-11-20T15:37:00.001-08:00

if you think you're bulletproof, you're right

2009-11-19T23:00:00.000-08:00

Apparently people actually read this and reference it to my mother? Most excellent.
(500) Days of Summer was every bit as good as I remembered it was. The alternative storytelling format, the acting, the music, the city (Los Angeles! ♥), the story itself...it all worked. If I can see a movie twice and enjoy it equally and be willing to sit through it a third time, that's a good sign.
Interesting lecture the other day in my Mass Media class on how nothing is private anymore, due to the Internet and blogging...expect a post about this soon :)
I've been really into the Beatles lately.
I've been in the mood to watch Watchmen again...I have the Director's Cut on Blu-Ray at home and I am definitely going to watch it as soon as I get home!
I CANNOT WAIT TO GO HOME. Monday!!
I have one big project left before I'm free, I just want to get it done!
CAL VS STANFORD THIS WEEKEND; GO BEARS!
Bonfire tonight @ the Greek Theatre :) Exciting! I might not go though, 'cause it is cold and rainy and I really don't want to get sick before I go home.
Berkeley students protesting the 32% increase in student fees; read about it here

los angeles, i'm yours.

2009-11-18T23:46:00.001-08:00

So there's really no way around this, but goddamn, I love LA. I hate to love it, but I do with all my heart! Not just because of who's there, or our amazing sports teams (Laker & Dodger pride!) but because of the nature of the city itself. The way it's mean to outsiders but kind to the locals; the way it feeds the tourist machine but manages to maintain a mind of its own outside the capitalist machine. One of the best days I've ever had in my life was driving around downtown Los Angeles for hours endlessly, searching for a store that no longer existed; driving on streets I had never seen before, and driving all the way down the ones I did. Amazing. I don't know how to explain it if you've never lived there, but for me it's the most magical city in the world. It's a world of endless possibilities, of dreams both shattered and realized, of film and drama and love and heartbreak. It's over-hyped and glamorized and full of sex, drugs, and rock'n'roll. It will break you and it will crush you and it will make you that much stronger for surviving it all. I'm romanticizing, of course, but how can I not, when I love it? Love involves all of the emotions, which is exactly how I feel about my city. I hate the traffic but I love exploring; I get frustrated with the tourists but they provide for my well-being; I'm annoyed by celebrities but I want to work with them. It's a city of contradictions, but instead of trying to hide it, it embraces it! If only every city was so honest. It's such a huge, diverse city as well; I made a post on Facebook a few weeks ago asking my friends their favorite places in LA, here are some of their answers:

Laurel Canyon
Silver Lake
Los Feliz
Westwood/UCLA
The GroveDowntown
Santa Monica
Burbank
Malibu/Coral Canyon hike
L.A. Live (Staples Center and Nokia Theater area)
Topanga Canyon
Venice Beach
Hollywood
West Hollywood
All the Graffiti along the 101 or the River, really anywhere with amazing Graff
LACMA
The swings in Manhattan Beach.
Sunset, Santa Monica, and Beverly
Warner Bros. Studies
The Ikeda World Peace Auditorium
LA Zoo
Pinks on La Brea.
Olvera street/La Placita church
Chinatown
Bourgeois Pig

With such diversity, there's something for everyone! Personally, I love the Theater district in Downtown, Santa Monica, LACMA, and my absolute favorite, the Griffith Observatory. I got into an ~~argument~~ debate today with someone about my city; she was telling me (with such disdain in her voice) how she could never live in LA. Well, that's fine, but don't you dare make judgments about the city I love!

(this is to be the first of many "I ♥ LA" posts, haha)